A case for circular houses.

Luckily, we didn't need a stitch. Nothing a little glue and packaging tape apparently can't fix. Next time one of them runs into the corner of a wall, I'm taking them straight to Home Depot. By next time, that really only leaves 1. Elaina turned to sprint down my parents hall over the summer last year and ran smack into the corner there. DING! and down she went. Three stitches. Elijah comes running in from outside and DING! Same spot as Elaina, they really are twins. The funniest thing though was that Ethan was right behind him and when he saw blood, he took OFF!!! White as a ghost. Once I got Elijah calmed and settled I actually had to go on an Ethan hunt to see if HE was passed out somewhere! And honestly, there wasn't that much blood! Eric is pretty much screwed if there is a hunting/camping accident and Ethan's his backup! Dial 911 Eth. Eth? Eth?!? Cross doctor off future job possibilities, we're back to actor/president. Oddly Elaina was asleep. They wanted to 'camp out' last night so we set up a tent in the backyard which they played in all day. The time came and they all went to bed, cozy in their sleeping bags. We sat on the patio, drank some Rose and listened to Ethan telling them a story. Waiting for the escalating protests to going to sleep in the not so great outdoors. Then, silence. We waited a bit longer. I retired to bed to read and still no one came in. It was now 10pm and fully dark. Still they slept on, alone outside. I woke at 11 and then at 12:30. I recall 2 and of course 4, still no screams of terror. 6:10am brought the thundering sounds of 6 feet on the stairs, they were all alive and at that point still well. They survived their first night outside alone in a tent. They can't sleep all together in their bedroom with out a night light on but give 'em a tent in the dark and they're all good. Hence, Elaina fell asleep at 9am. When did we get to this point? Wanting to pull away so badly, yet burying their heads in my shoulder to shield out the eyes of the world. Torn between independence and comfort at 3 and 5 and 7. When do they finally choose independence? 10? 20? My arms will always be long enough to wrap around them, to hold their hands while a doctor glue sticks them back together. If they get out the duck tape and staples though we're moving to Canada.

Growth

I've started going to a bible study. So if this is taboo ground to you then be forewarned there is talk of faith, trust and general "God" things and you're free to move on to the next blog if you choose. Faith and trust seem to go hand in hand but as I've come to realize, that is not necessarily true. I say I have faith, which I do. I say I trust in God, but I've learned I have to add the disclaimer of "most of the time". There are just those things, for me, the ONE thing, that I just can't seem to turn over to Him. I carry it around, I fret, I fuss, I make up a million what-if's, I obsess over the bad, I imagine every hypothetical scene that would justify the ramblings of my crazed mind. I take the smallest hint of an issue and I run with it, you don't want to know what I do with the big hints. Let's just say it's ugly. In not giving it over, in not being able to trust that it will be OK, not that it will be perfect or that the situation will turn out how I want, but that no matter what, in the end I will be OK. My worst fears may actually come true, my worst fears could manifest and my world so to speak may implode, giving it over means that I will still wake up and put one foot in front of the other. I see the goal, I'm not there yet. Do I sabotage this thing? You bet, not conscientiously of course but I feel I'm protecting myself from what I already know as true. Like the mother who's worst fear is to lose a child, she won't let them on a slide or will rush them to the emergency room when they complain of a stomach ache. Watching for signs of impending destruction. What I'm trying to figure out now is how. How do I get the evil voice out of my head? How do I cover the hole in my shield of faith created by this thing? I pray and I read. Not Steinbeck but the actual Bible. Pick it up and see what it has to say. To say it is timeless is a vast understatement. The answer to literally every question you have is in there. The answer to every fear, frustration, doubt and anxiety is in there. Reading is one thing, trusting is another. The more I read, the more I trust, the more I trust, the more I read. My hole is getting smaller, the spears of the enemy soon won't have an in. I own my fears and what I do to perpetuate them, that's putting one foot down, handing it over completely is putting down the other.

Mother's Day...

My day. Can't say I got to sleep in, but I did get to play "hot/cold" for my present from Ethan. He made me a book, one of many created in his class. It was filled with "I love it whens.." tailored to of course me. The ones that stood out were, "I love my mom because she taught me how to garden" " I know my mom cares because she asks how is school" and my personal favorite "I love to hear my mom sing I am in a war" granted, I'm sure his teacher is wondering about his war monger mother, but I knew exactly which song he was talking about.

Counting On God by Desperation Band

I'm in a fight not physical
And I'm in a war But not with this world
You are the light that's beautiful
And I want more, I want all that's Yours

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength To live for today
So I never have to worry What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

I am counting on
I am counting on God

The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Open up your eyes you'll see

Ah, my boy. He knows how to get right to my heart without even knowing. The topper of course was going to church later and having them sing that exact song. My strength to live for today renewed, yet again. Thank you Eth. My husband came through too of course, getting me a gift certificate to my favorite kitchen shop, which one day later is no more. A ravioli cutter to cut my roasted beet ravioli with bacon and spinach filling that I made today. A cookie press to make a treat for bible study tonight and a cast iron ebelskiver pan, which I'm sure will be my nemesis. I love you guys for letting me be me and letting that be OK.

Anonymity

There's something to be said for it. We went wine tasting yesterday, which in itself was great. We've only gone once in the past year and admittedly I miss it. Wine fascinates me as a living, evolving, entity. Tasting it in barrel and trying to predict what shape it will take 6m or a year from now at bottling and how that will change five, ten or 20 years down the line. And being the consumate shopper, trying to weed out all the best deals, getting off the beaten path to the current unknowns, finding the next set of "we bought them whens..." Going out on any sort of "Release Weekend" always brings out the know it alls and drunkards and honestly I can understand the cheesy one liners spewing forth by some of the pourers, I've been there, I've said them. Going tasting as one "in the business" granted had it's bonus', free tastings, free lunches, free accommodations. But it also comes with expectations. I like going as a local, stay at home mom. Possibly looking for something for our next BBQ. Granted, spitting probably did stand out as knowing a little more than we were letting on. My dear husband was kind enough to bring to my attention that one wine maker looked a bit miffed that I did spit, but that's neither here nor there. Being free to love the lowest level Cabernet because the reserve although better was not $20 better, walking out after tasting 2 really bad wines and not having to stay for the entire line up just because. We had a great day and learned a few things along the way. If I can get a really great German Riesling for under $15 and an exceptional one for $30, why would I pay $20 for yours? They weren't even close. If you're trying to make a new name for Rose' why are you making yours with 2% rs, no matter how you want to market it, this is not a "drier style." Even if you want exclusivity by offering things to wine club members only, you are shunning the locals that can and will pop on over for a bottle with dinner, because we can!!! I don't want 3 or 6 of your choosing, I want this one.today. That being said, we truly did find some gems at great prices, that I'm sure next year will fall out of our means. No shameless plugs here, I want them to stay within our budget as long as they can. I will of course be sending any family and friends their way to get the same honest, unpretentious, personal service we received yesterday. Thank you to all the owner/wine-makers whose passion for what they do shows through loud and clear and they aren't just out to be the next "auction house only" or "stack 'em high and let 'em fly." You will be seeing us again.