Happy Birthday Elaina!!!

The Next Level...

Or should I say, Kickin' it up a notch? My lovely daughter wanted a mermaid cake and by gum I was determined to make it!! Thank you Cooks Illustrated for the Chocolate Cake recipe and Alice Waters for the Chocolate Buttercream under it all, but a great big ol' pat on the back to me for making the fondant from scratch and putting the whole thing together!!! Admittedly, it ain't perfect but you know what? For a first attempt, not too shabby! We were on a fondant mission yesterday, searching every store in town, which adds up to about 4. Zero to be found, when Ethan sensing my frustration states, "You want to buy her something? You need to make it! Making something, means it comes from your heart, you don't want to give someone something that isn't from your heart, do you???" Aaahhh, the wisdom of a 7 year old. Maybe channeling my ocd on the cake will make up for the presents that I bought her and didn't whittle out of the tree in the back. I realize this is setting a new precedence for Birthday's around here, but I actually really enjoyed doing it so that's OK. Thank you Ethan for bring things back in perspective yet once again, we have 6 months to plan for yours big guy!

A Proactive Birthday Wish...

I know in the coming days I'm going to be overwhelmed with trying to organize her 5th birthday extravaganza (not) so I thought I would be proactive and give Elaina her birthday post a bit early. Five years old. School in two months. When we moved here last year she was going through a screaming phase. For no apparent reason, out or the blue or of course in response to any injustice, she would scream. And scream. And scream. Luckily, that was a year ago. Presently, she is getting in touch with her cave-girl ancestors and she is now a gatherer. Plastic grocery bags, re-usable grocery bags (maybe there wouldn't be plastic ones around if I could remember to put the re-usable ones she hoards in my car!) toy bins, suit cases, backpacks, old diaper bags, totes, anything that can presumable 'hold' another object is called to service. Dressers are emptied into toy bins, crayon boxes are transferred into beach bags, printer paper now resides in Tupperware, along with 3 potato bugs. Her most prized possession of all? The letter from her new Kindergarten teacher. Admittedly, when it came the other day to welcome her to her new school, my heart sunk. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had to let her go, her first day of daycare. They were each 12-14 weeks old when I had to leave them to someone else. It felt as though my soul was being ripped from my body and beat repeatedly against a brick wall. I put on the 'I'm fine' front, and sobbed uncontrolably in my car with them all. When we moved I vowed to never do that to them or me again. When the letter came, I cried. That's what I do. After having three kids, I'm an emotional wreck. I cry when I'm sad, mad, happy, excited, anxious, perplexed or bored. When we tore into the letter and started to read...Dear Kindergartner...she clasped her hands over her mouth and began to shriek, luckily, as I said, her hands were clasped over her mouth!! I continued with how excited all the teachers were to meet all the new students and all the things they will be learning in the coming year...I of course am completely choked up, trying not to let her see what a complete geek her mother is, when it happens... I see her brush at her cheek. Truly, my girl. She then states in complete bewilderment, that her eyes are watering and doesn't know why?! Oh sweet girl, I know why. Her first tears of excitement, the joy of a new adventure so overwhelming it's bursting from her eyeballs! I love you girl. I love seeing me in you, even if you grow to hate wearing your emotions on your sleeve, I won't. Your brother will be there to hold your hand, to wave across the playground and to tackle the first boy trying to steal a kiss. I will be there with a snack when you get home and eager ears to hear it all.

In the Summer time...

This whole summer vacation thing is not only a novelty to my kids but to me as well. I was a classic latch key kid, my sister and I wore our keys on a shoestring around our necks to let ourselves in after school. Vacation meant curtains stayed closed and no one went out front. We watched The Price is Right and Perry Mason while playing marathon Monopoly tournaments. Interspersed was the random beating of each other and a few 'harmless' prank phone calls. Luckily, most of our friends were also home alone so the braver of the bunch would leave their domains and hole up in ours until the threat of parents arriving became too much and we all began cleaning up and starting dinner. All this in elementary school. Granted I was in year round school, our longest school break was about 6 weeks and it was in December, otherwise we had 2 weeks off here and there, I thought it was great until I went to high school and it was a 'normal' school year. Teenagers should never have 3 months off with no parental supervision, enough said.

So it begins, going from the minute by minute schedule of a classroom to fly by the seat of our pants daily life. Ethan wants every moment occupied by a friend or activity. Elaina and Elijah are used to the random play dates, store runs and house cleaning frenzy. Ethan is not. Elaina and Elijah occupy themselves if I am doing laundry or fixing a meal. Ethan does not. Elaina and Elijah know that if they have one play date they probably aren't going to see another friend that day. Ethan is used to seeing all his friends, every day, all day long. Not going to happen. If I hear 'now what?', 'what will we do after that?', or 'when are we going to?' one more time I'm putting them on Free-Cycle. Two more months, I know it goes quickly. Family vacations sprinkled randomly over the weeks will keep them hopping. Sending them both off to school will be here before I know it. Back to school shopping already front and center on my brain. Elijah sending them on their way with me, anticipating the trauma of seeing his siblings off for the day. And at the same time, MOPS starting up for the year, still not sure about my sanity there but it's out of my hands. We will garden, we will play with the new chicks (coming in 2 weeks) and we will hang. Most of all, I will soak up the time I have with them that they still want to be with me.

Worry Warts

"You worry about you, don't worry about others."
And that's when my mommy radar went on high alert.
"You take care of yourself, it's not up to you to worry about me."
OK, enough.
Um, what's going on here? and why are we being so self-centered?
Here it comes...
"Well, xxxxx (name withheld to keep eye rolling and tire slashing to a minimum) said that we should only worry about ourselves. It's up to each person to take care of themselves, not each other."
Ugh.
Alright, I understand the context I'm sure the statement was used. Tattling was probably the center of the discussion and yes I'm sure it seemed a vague, open-ended statement about taking care of number one seemed suffice. Unfortunately, many kids, my kids, are literal. Opportunities to worry about others create growth.
We're not supposed to talk about the little girl who takes the bus after school back to the Y.
How much more understanding would the kids have about homelessness if they knew it directly effected one of their friends? We're not supposed to talk about the anger issues of the little boy who got kicked out of class. Shouldn't environmental and psychological problems be out in the open? Life is not puppy dogs and butterflies, sometimes things suck. Sometimes these things are brought on by us and sometimes they are not!!! They need to know that! They need to know that the world doesn't revolve around them. They need to know that even if their friend is in trouble, albeit by their own hand or not, they should be there to help. They need to accept their friends for who they are, not who they think they are. They need to not be ashamed of their circumstances, where they live, who they live with, what medication they take to get through the day.
We need to worry about each other.
We need to help where we can, because we can.
The more we learn about each other the more compassion we have. How many light bulbs have dinged on when I've learned more about a friends past and tied it in with things I had previously deemed irrational in the present. Maybe it's the ol' knowledge is power line and not making assumptions. If I only worry about me then I'm going to be making assumptions about you. Yes, tattling is annoying. But it's talking, it's communication, not good communication per se, but communication none the less. If they are chronic about it then maybe we need to figure out why they are trying to bolster themselves up and tear others down, talk about it. Communicate. Worry on little ones, we'll talk about all the implications whenever you want.

ache.

To kick off summer vacation my oldest has gone to see his grandparents, which should be cause for celebration! I only have two to watch AND my mom is here to hang out!! But it's not. The house seems wrong. If Ethan is not here, then he is in school, this in not the case. He's...away. Away from the house, his siblings and me. I know, I know, cry me a river, but honestly. The whole feel of home is wrong. Home is whining. Home is needy. Home is lap sitting, neck nuzzling, hand holding, big green eyes waiting on my every word. Home is them. Currently, home is two when it should be three. I yearn and crave every moment to myself...with them occupied, in the other room. I scream, yell, rant and rave for them to go, about 20 feet away...no farther. I want to see them at will, touch them spontaneously. Being out of control of his bedtime or nutritional needs is almost too much. No one but a mom can understand, I know. Is this insane? Yes. Is it unexpected? No. My boys come back tomorrow. I wish they would show up tonight. Waking up to the tossing, turning, snoring of my love. Smelling the ever-so-close-to-a-tween, freshly shorn head of my boy after he brings me coffee in bed. Men. Gotta love 'em, and I do.