ache.

To kick off summer vacation my oldest has gone to see his grandparents, which should be cause for celebration! I only have two to watch AND my mom is here to hang out!! But it's not. The house seems wrong. If Ethan is not here, then he is in school, this in not the case. He's...away. Away from the house, his siblings and me. I know, I know, cry me a river, but honestly. The whole feel of home is wrong. Home is whining. Home is needy. Home is lap sitting, neck nuzzling, hand holding, big green eyes waiting on my every word. Home is them. Currently, home is two when it should be three. I yearn and crave every moment to myself...with them occupied, in the other room. I scream, yell, rant and rave for them to go, about 20 feet away...no farther. I want to see them at will, touch them spontaneously. Being out of control of his bedtime or nutritional needs is almost too much. No one but a mom can understand, I know. Is this insane? Yes. Is it unexpected? No. My boys come back tomorrow. I wish they would show up tonight. Waking up to the tossing, turning, snoring of my love. Smelling the ever-so-close-to-a-tween, freshly shorn head of my boy after he brings me coffee in bed. Men. Gotta love 'em, and I do.