Ethan

Thinking about why I'm even doing this whole "blog" thing Ive decided its more a memoir for my kids. Hopefully one day they will read it and know deep in their hearts the real reason mommy went wacky. Reason number one being my oldest Ethan. I feel like I should apologise 100 times for all the ways we already completely screwed him up and possibly set aside some money for the psychiatric help he will surely need. Yes Ethan I would love to say we planned for years, anticipated every twinge in my body as being the beginnings of your life within me but you my love were a complete surprise. Our marriage being on rocky ground (familiar ring?)I had an epiphany after I got my head out of the toilet and did some quick math, I called Eric to find out when and if he would be home tonight. yes things were that bad. He responded by wondering if I was going to be there, thinking I had packed my bags. not so much. I had said for better or for worse and I'ld be damned if I was giving up and now w/a baby it was sink or swim time. We hoisted ourselves up after the initial shock and got full swing into rebuilding our marriage and making a "happy" home for our child. We got every book and watched way more "baby story" than should be allowed. Eric dove in head first too and loved spouting off the daily changes I was going through, "hey honey you should have to pee more now because your bladder is squished and stuff might be leaking from your boobs!!!!" thanks hon. Ethan came into the world w/two parents that couldn't have loved a baby more. He screamed while he was still coming out and stopped as soon as I said "hey there, so you're the one kicking me" he then started up again shortly there after and hasn't stopped. Eric carried him all over the neighborhood at 3am I have still never seen a daddy wear a baby as much as mine. Ethan has always been the extrovert, happy in any situation and so sensitive I often wonder how he can care so much for humanity while pouncing on his siblings at the same time. We will never forget Ethan's favorite phrase as a toddler "don't worry mom it won't hurt, it just tickles!" Eric became fond of saying it too, hence elaina and elijah, HA! You'll understand that later Ethan my boy! Forever wanting to be dad's hunting partner, while practically crying in the fabric store for his own knitting needles. He's the master of any hobby he takes up w/the imagination of the greatest authors of all times. If only we could get him to focus or care about any of them. When his teacher recently sent home sign ups to help w/future holiday parties I asked Ethan which I should help out with. He said "mom what do you think is more important? a holiday that celebrates candy or the baby Jesus? which do you think you should help on?" um gosh if you put it that way. I thought I was the one dispensing the guilt here! My theory is that by having a boy first clears any doubts that you would want another child. Ethan loves me unconditionally as I do him. I have never doubted his affection, it overflows in buckets. You may have been a surprise but the best things in life often are. Im not living my life by my plan any more and Ethan coming along was step 1 in the journey to where we are now in our marriage and our faith. He will always be a lap kid and that's OK w/me, one day (at least I think) he wont want to sit and cuddle and all too soon he'll be looking to cuddle someone else. Right now he's mine, girlfriends beware you have some serious shoes to fill.