SSSSHHHHHHHHHH....

Silence. Well, not exactly. I can hear the air conditioner trying to stave off the heat of the day. The gurgling of the fish tank and my MP3 playing in the kitchen. What I don't hear are the squeals of joy, cries of injustice or pleas for attention from the brood. He has taken them. He being dad, his first day off in 2 weeks and they are in search of a new dryer, scratchy towels be damned, I will fluff you again momentarily. He has taken them to let the silence fill the house and my own thoughts to over flow the void. Brain running rampant being my cue to write, I can empty it here and then resume reading the next book on my summer list. Silence. I don't know if moms can take it. We're so programed to work through the chaos that the calm is actually crawling with anxiety. I twitch. I fidget. I have to be productive. I have not mastered the art of being able to be. My husband would nap. My girlfriends would say nap, but would not themselves. It's not what we do. I think of all that needs to be done. Clothes that can be organized, drawers to be cleaned out, closets to be purged. There is bread to knead, a potential for pie in the fridge and a vacuum to be emptied. This is when I'm supposed to be cleaning up me. Organizing my thoughts, dusting off my cob webbed ego. Polishing my sight as to refocus on what matters. Call it summer vacation, I feel I've lost my focus. I've had more anxiety the last few weeks then in the entire past year, and why? Loss of focus. How easily we steer away only to find the wheel too difficult to pull back straight. Take your foot off the gas and spin in a circle. It takes effort to drive forward, avoiding holes, slowing for curves. At least for me, putting a name to it helps the process. Refocus, refresh, rejuvenate, release, letting go, giving in, giving over. Silence, lets it all come to the front. Listening allows me to hear and acknowledge what I am to do. Focus.