Thank You Mr. Mailman!!!

As I crunched my way across the now frozen grass I questioned our sanity in moving to some place that it's 30-degree's at 4:30pm. I'm watching my 'dragon breath' as Elijah calls it surround my head with every step as I near the mailbox. I heft out the pile of catalogs, magazines, bills and lone Christmas card (thanks mom) and hurry back inside. Perusing the pile I toss the Harry and David, Lands End, Hickory Farms, some funny hunting one for my husband all aside. But wait. What's that? A tomato? oooooooh YEEEEEEES!!!!! Definitely a tomato catalog, WOOHOO!!! This is where I start doing a little dance...OK back to mail, wait. Could it be? Another seed catalog??? It really IS Christmas!!! The light at the end of the tunnel is blazingly bright with the arrival of seed catalogs. Anticipating those warm rays of early spring, bringing forth just enough heat to activate the tiny seed set lovingly in it's little hole. To burst forth, hopefully not get trampled on by a then teenage dog or eaten by our feathered freeloaders. They offer promise of less trips with 3 kids to the store, less time to hear "can I...?" and "I wanna...!" and "if we're good...?" Less screaming and jumping off the benches set up in aisles (why oh why are there benches in Walmart?) Less playing with all the toys in the check out. Less standing up in grocery carts, less hanging on the side of the cart that is threatening to fall over on them, less stickers to peel off my food telling me all the exotic places that it came from!!! Less buckling of 3 car seats which in itself is worth it's weight in gold! And to top it off these 2 slick little pieces from heaven aren't even the ones that I ordered, they're still out there. Finding their way through the frost and fog, knowing they are going to pull me through winter. I will open my Pedro Ximenez, I will get the fireplace going and spend the evening in bliss. Thank you Mr. Mailman...

The shower scene

With a newborn most mom's find it rather brain rattling to partake in a shower. What if the baby rolls over for the first time off the couch, down the stairs and into that large hole we've been meaning to fill in the basement???? He could get hungry and start to cry while I'm humming a tune and I'll emerge from my bliss to a withered little mass with recessed eyes and protruding belly all because I selfishly wanted to get clean!!! So we pack the little bean into the bathroom w/us. Unfortunately movement and the desire to see the world, not just us takes over. Now showers offer a whole other level of concern. Locking them in their crib or waiting till nap time seem the likely solution. Until they stop napping...and silently wait for you to slip into the beckoning shower.

I make sure they're all fed. I lock up the cabinets, fridge and freezer. Make sure the dog has gone potty and start to issue the threats. Do not...paint yourself with the art supplies. Do not...jump on the dog. Do not...play jedi knights with any cutlery. Do not...pile up the pillows by the fireplace hearth so you can jump off the coffee table onto them. Do not...put ANYTHING in Elijah's diaper...and so it goes on.

Taking a shower is a bit like going to check the mail. They know right where you are and you are otherwise occupied, it's the perfect window of opportunity. An ungodly amount of destruction can occur in this window.

7 :15am, I turn on the shower, leaving the door cracked of course. The room fills with steam and I step in to warmth, comfort and relaxation. What was that? definitely the dining table chair moving across the kitchen floor. Cabinets slamming, muffled whining, more sliding across kitchen floor, arguing starting to break out, more slamming, water turning on, laughing...lots of laughing. Barking! Barking! Barking! protests escalating, SCREAMING!!!! Something crashes, scurrying of feet and chairs. Still muffled crying now coming closer...shower pulls back...I have no idea what you're all saying!!!! Stop!!! One at a time!!! Get out!!! No you don't need a band-aid! Why are you blue??? No, you don't need medicine! Is that Chloe's bone in your diaper? Well take it out!!! No I can't get you milk right now!! JUST GOOOOOOO!!!!!! silence.

7:19am, I emerge...towel off, get dressed and go to assess the situation. Ethan is playing bionicle's in front of the fireplace, Elijah is thumbing through a book and Elaina is curled up on the couch with a blanket and Chloe at her feet watching cartoons. The kitchen is wet. A chair is turned over and 4 band-aid wrappers are strewn about in various conditions of disarray. Apparently the result of the destructive powers of gremlins not the sweet cherubs now reclining quietly by the fire. Beware my little opportunists my time is coming.

Here kitty, kitty...

Unlike cat's, kids have way more then 9 lives. I'm confident I save their lives multiple times a week if not every day! Much like today as I'm pulling out my hair to get everyone to at least go to the door so we can take Chloe to the dog park. The screaming ensues, why? I don't really know, something about Ethan touching the door knob. Now Elaina won't go outside. I carry her kicking and screaming to the car where she gets another attempt at my famous 1-2-3, failing I again swoop her up and place her in the car. All the while screaming bloody murder. We then head out down the road radio now full blast to drown out the cries of injustice. That's when the kicking starts on my seat, kick, kick, kick, kick, me counting 1-2-3-4-breathe-5-6 OK this is where the visions of reaching into the backseat, pulling her by her hair through the front window and running her over with my car start with earnest. Ethan's voice breaks through the flowery daydream...Elaina are you a princess? you want to live in my castle with me? something about poop thrown in for good measure and suddenly I hear a faint giggle. More questions containing poo and a fart now too, she's officially reeling. Once more her life saved. Ethan will get a 'get out of jail free' card later, I'm sure he'll be using it any time now.

This of course plays out daily, my hard headed children butting for whatever reason up against their hard headed mother. I hate to lose and apparently so do they, I just wish I knew what the fight was even about. I'm sure it's only going to get worse as we enter the teen years. I remember being so mad at my own parents for reasons that baffle me even today. I was convinced they were out to make my life miserable and I should head them off at the pass. The whole world was conspiring against me, luckily I think my friends all felt the same way so we eagerly encouraged each others lament. One day they will read this and say wow I'm sorry, or perhaps, hey my kids are doing the same thing I did! Regardless (and irregardless) I will continue to let them live another day, if only to see what they come up with next.
Dinner was sooooo easy, a testament to good ingredients, Thundering Hooves Pork Spareribs, fresh cornbread and oddly (I hate them) carrots!! wine later!!!! I'm thinking...02 St. Supery Napa Cab. can't recall the last cali wine we had! hope it's OK!

Earworm

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. When my mom told me a while back that this was new term in the dictionary, I actually laughed. Seriously, what in the world is an earworm and how do I avoid getting it? Will the kids bring it home from school? is there some sort of drop or do I need a shot?? Oh no, Webster defines it as a song or tune that gets stuck in one's mind and repeats as if on a tape; also written ear-worm, ear worm; also called cognitive itch, sticky tune. I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. Now when the kids start singing a tune or more likely my husband (who is of course doing it on purpose) and it starts playing over and over and over in my head with no likely end, I can put a name to it. One of his favorites being "Ring of Fire" and it burns, burns, burns...ring of fiiiiiire, ring of fire. But alas, that is not the tune running through my brain every few seconds for the last few days. I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. The first day I thought it rather peppy and of course ironic being my then current state of mental health to have a sunday school song that to my knowledge my children don't even know, coursing repeatedly through my brain. Day two had me of course convinced this was God's way of telling me to get over myself. Day three I was questioning his sense of humor and now yes day 4 it gets it's own page, which truth be known was probably his plan all along. I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. So where does that leave me? Well, I can't help but think about childbirth and how they tell you to picture the baby smoothly and painlessly slipping out of your body, you are on the water, weightless and free as this new life is joyfully transitioning to the outside world. um riiiiiiight. Picturing yourself in a situation you long to be ie. the winner, the new job, the promotion, the successful whatever is not new. Thousands of tapes which you are to play in your sleep and make your subconscious believe you can attain your hearts desire, are swooped up by the masses every year. I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. Normally of course we are the ones that put those messages there, so is the message more powerful if we aren't the instigators? It's not really going to your subconscious if you consciously put it there!!! So what about if someone else did? What if you didn't know there was a tape playing while you slept that said, climb that mountain or give up that what ever? I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart, (where?), down in my heart, I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, (where?) down in my heart to stay. All I know is that I've felt lighter, happier and more joy filled the last few days then any that I can remember. If I knew the hand motions I would be on my roof top performing for you all, right before the nice people came to take me away. I have alot to be Thankful for this year but most of all I'm thankful for the joy in my heart that is definitely here to stay.

Chin up, chin up...

Why this has become my mantra as of late baffles me. Maybe I'm becoming hypersensitive to the doom and gloom attitude persisting around me. I don't want to be Molly Sunshine here but really people this world is bigger than just you. I think how many situations that at the time put me in the deepest pit of despair. How many woe is me moments I've accumulated in the past ump-teen years and yet, at the end of the day, here I am. Still kickin' and yes screaming. This too shall pass people. I swear this is my last pep talk to the masses, I'm starting to feel guilty for being in such a good mood! Made a giant batch of chili yesterday, simmering spaghetti sauce as we speak and need to get my butt in gear and make some bread. Got the laundry all caught up and even managed 5 play dates this week, which granted is more than usual but oh so necessary for my mental health. Focus on what brings you joy! Cooking is mine, friends are mine, I actually managed to combine them this week and I was giddy!!! I had my pitty party and then I moved. on. So have a good cry, get it all out, pat yourself on the back and tell yourself how much the world simply sucks. But you know, it doesn't. The next time you bake a batch of cookies put 6 on a plate and walk it to your neighbors, if that doesn't lighten your step, then make a meal for someone you know is feeling worse then you, trust me they aren't hard to find. This week of Thanksgiving has me counting my blessing more than ever, it probably wouldn't hurt to do the same. I'm instituting a complain about it once rule. The first time you are free to vent and get it out of your system the next time you're getting a smack up side the head. That's my fair warning. Still searching for a spider picture to post at the head of this post, apparently they are few and far between once there is a freeze!!! Going back to my chocolate chip coffee cake with the crunchy streusel topping while it's still warm from the oven, I also think a second cup of joe is in order. Other than that, the day is wiiiiiiiiiiide open.

Getting out of the funk.

I somehow feel like I should have something pseudo monumental to write. Truth be known. I'm simply not that interesting. Our days are filled with pretty much the same relatively unexciting stuff. We get up, we clean, we head out some place, we come back, clean, we cook some stuff, we clean, we get Ethan, we clean and yet at the end of the day this place still needs to be cleaned. I understand how a factory worker feels putting the same sprocket in the same doo-hickey every single day. Breaking it up with seeing friends is of course key but life at home continues and the laundry will not fold itself. I can see now why I didn't have a gaggle of friends in our previous life. I was depressing. I must have oozed frustration, irritation and general malaise. I find it unbearably hard to be around those that aren't seeing the beauty in the fog lifting from the trees. I feel obligated, like maybe I'll be some beacon of light that they will come out of the depths to see. But if I'm honest with myself, its fading my own. I know I have to concentrate on those around me with the same joy, if I hold any hope in keeping mine alive. Maybe that's because I'm so new to being happy that it's easy for me to slip back, easy to pick up that coat and wear it all day long. and for what? we all want to help out, we see a friend suffering, struggling, barely doing a doggie paddle and I want to cast every thing off and dive in but man alive. At some point you need to pull up your bootstraps and figure it out. I sense some tough love coming, I'd like to say I hate confrontation but alas. Seriously people if you sit around complaining, waiting on some beam of light to shine on you and show you the way you're going to have a very sore butt. The beam will warm you I swear but you have to find your way to it yourself. Circles are ever flexible, they can be as big as you dare and as small as your sanity allows, I feel mine tightening. I'm taking this coat off now.

Sugar and Spice.

Girls are quiet, contemplative, gentle. They don't leap, they consider.

Girls hate creeping things with more legs then they have.

Girls like sunshine, a good book and a windowsill. They want to grow up to be what ever mom is and can't aspire to do it any better. Planning their dream wedding to the shining knight on the valiant steed occupies her days.

Girls know the bigger the castle they reside, the more tiny foot steps they too will hear one day.

Girls wear pink, with sparkles and as many frills as your imagination can muster.

Girls are happy to carry out what ever decision the powers that be instruct.

They would never pet a frog.

Girls are firmly planted on the ground, knowing danger could abound if they venture out.

Girls go about their business in virtual silence, knowing only of their play by the whisper of a giggle.

Girls don't like mud.

You are an amazing being my girl.

Anti-Climatic

I'm coming to the realization that most things in life are about the process. Making waffles this morning, the kids are all too eager to make, get, butter, slather on syrup, cut up and then leave to go watch cartoons all with out taking a bite of said waffle. My husband loves to make cheesecake, giant, beautiful, 10 lb orbs of sweet, creamy goodness that he has no intention of eating, but he likes the process. I'm discovering I like to knit, I like browsing all the different yarns, coming up with a project and executing it to near perfection, before of course Elaina decides to pull out the needle and drop 43 stitches. Do I wear any of my creations? not so much. With the holiday season upon us, the cornucopia of anti-climatic events will abound. I love planning the Thanksgiving meal. No I really do. I brine the turkey for 2 days, I bake the bread for the stuffing, I've been growing the brussel sprouts since April and my 2 butternut squash plants yielded 1 entire globe that will meet its demise on that fateful Thursday afternoon. All for what? none of us really like turkey. The kids aren't going to eat my stuffing or anything green, yellow or orange therefore ruling out the cranberries which are for me anyway. I will bake/roast/toast and saute all day and for what? 15 minutes it will be over. But it's the process. The smells of baking/roasting/toasting and saute-ing, wearing the white bakers apron all day, seeing the kids get excited about the next giant balloon appearing in the parade and dancing to the marching bands. December then kicks in with gusto. Shopping will be done, deals with Santa will be made and I will be up at 3am more excited than the kids to see their unabashed reactions to presents appearing out of thin air in our living room. And then it's over. The only thing left is the clean up, paper strewn about with pieces of cardboard where they tore desperately into the latest cache. Yielding a screw driver and bevy of batteries I will assume my post. Only to see the same once longed for devices laying forgoten and dismantled under a pile of pillows a week later. Things will change this year, long term fixation being key. I have a plan, it's all about the process.

Buying a little love.

Some parents use toys, other's use candy, ponies, trips to Disney or what ever else floats their little cherubs boats. I use food.

Waking up this morning to a brisk 28-degrees, I knew cocoa was in order. Yes, as the kiddo's were curled snugly in their beds, I was plotting. Hot chocolate with homemade marshmallows, accompanied by fresh made honey wheat toast would be this mornings menu. The marshmallows were a project yesterday and if you've never imbibed in one I highly recommend it. Not the chewy, lifeless sponge you stab on your campfire stick, but creamy, cloud-like puffs that melt as the warmth of your mouth envelopes them. These are the real deal. I understand now why someone demanded they be packaged and sold to the masses. Unfortunately, as with anything industrialized, they are now a reflection of their process, simply a cold waste of space in your cupboard. Things made at home ultimately have heart. You can taste it in the melding of perfectly blended spices in your families secret spaghetti sauce. It's in the quick grate of nutmeg on the spinach picked from the garden and in the comically orange scrambled eggs, a color only achieved by truly free range, grass, weed, worm, spider, garden pillaging foul. I doubt they pick up on all the effort now. Like many lessons I'm trying to cram in their heads, it's one best learned as they reflect upon childhood and hopefully be amongst the things they choose retain for their brood. There's a plethora of law's, rules, values that they need right now. Thinking ahead to some of the more subtle ones that may have real influence later is a delicate process. Right now it drowns me in hugs, kisses and squeals of delight, I only pray one day they will be swimming in the same.

Marshmallows: 13x9 pan, lined in foil, grease and heavy dust w/powdered sugar. 3 pks gelatin sprinkled over 1/2 cup cold water in bowl of mixer, let set till absorbed about 10-15 min. In a pan over med heat dissolve 2 cups sugar, 2/3 cup corn syrup, 1/4 tsp salt and 1/2 cup water. crank up heat and boil w/o stirring till 240-degrees. pour over gelatin slowly w/mixer on low, gently increase to high and beat till fluffy, thick and stiff about 15 min. add 2 tsp vanilla, blend to combine about 30 sec. scrape as best you can (sticky, thick, not easy) into prepared pan and smooth w/WET spatula. cover w/more powdered sugar and let set at room temp till set, a couple hours. turn out on counter and cut into squares (I used a pizza cutter) separating squares and rolling in more powdered sugar! hide from kids.

Hangin' up my cape.

I do not have a big S on my chest, I am certainly not faster than a speeding bullet and at 36 I'm not leaping over anything any time soon. So why is it that doing the stuff any normal mom does earns me this coveted title of being "Super"?

I think it's something that is thrown around haphazardly. It's done honestly of course, to make us feel like we're doing wonderful things, which any mom is. When I worked I was supermom because I worked and had 3 kids, what's so super about that!? I was psychotic trying to juggle everything, my kids ate like crap, I was usually at my wits end and I was the annoying mom that went in to daycare to pick them up while still fielding orders on my cell, an appendage I was all too happy to now leave in my purse. Now of course seeing a parent pick up their kid at school while chatting non-stop on the phone ranks up there with a million crazed squirrels scurrying across a walnut laced chalk board floor, I want to rip it from their heads and scream at them to at least feign excitement at seeing their child while I jump up and down on their plastic god.

Yes, now I pick my kid up from school and yes, I make sure he knows I missed him. Like any good "leave it to Beaver" home I love having fresh made bread piping hot w/butter and local honey waiting for him when we walk in. I stay home, I can do these things. Could I do it when I worked? maybe on the weekend, but then we were so busy trying to catch up from everything that didn't get done during the week that probably not. Are my kids getting all the education and brain boosting activities their growing minds can handle? No, I would never accomplish anything if I didn't park them in front of a movie for a little bit every day, some days admittedly longer than others. I'm trying to organize meals for mom's in need, does that make me super? no, I walk to my freezer pull something out and drive at the most 5 minutes to their house, the longest part of the venture being strapping my kids in their seats. I have 2 loads of laundry waiting to be folded on the bed, with one in the washer, another in the dryer and a good 2 more waiting their turn. Do I feel super for writing this blog instead? no, but I feel saner. Ultimately that's what my S stands for, I'll take "Saner Mom" any day.

pictures

I remember in my teen's going with some friends into an art gallery/store at the coast and being escorted out because I had verbalized the fact that I simply didn't get it. A stick figure in black, drawn on a white sheet 8.5 x 11 selling for $50. No, I still don't get it. I'm not saying I don't get art. I deeply love the spider people my daughter draws for me, all head with legs and arms. Or perusing my son's school work and finding chickens with turbo, rocket packs flying through outer space, being fired upon by missiles. That's the art I get. It comes from the mind and inspires thought.

As I finished locking up the girl's last night, Chloe and I settled in to a game of football when my large feathered friend flew onto the tree across the street. I could have, like my neighbors kept about my business, raking leaves, mowing grass, but that's not me. Dismissing the voice that say's your neighbor's are going think you're even crazier, I got my camera. Propping myself in ten different angles, trying to steady it on the fence and simply waiting. When I viewed the pictures later, I see an owl. But there's more. He's huge. He's waiting. He's alone. He's imposing. He's feared and he's watching, me. I look at a photograph and read a million things into it. Maybe it was my dad taking me to an Ansel Adam's exhibit when I was too young to supposed to care. Or the many wedding's I helped him shoot. I can't seem to wrap my post-kid brain around aperture or exposure so I'm a slave to pre-programed settings and perfect moments but that's OK. I'm learning to be patient and spontaneous at the same time. I'm looking at this world and actually seeing it. Maybe it was the conversation earlier with a friend, asking how I'm really doing. Not wanting to hear the standard fine, great, hangin' in there, but actually wondering about how. I'm. doing. that made me run for my camera. The answer takes some thought and when I said, I'm doing good. I meant it. When I saw my imposing friend perched atop his tree, I thought how I'm not alone. I'm not under someones thumb anymore, being ruled by fear, scurrying this way and that. I thought, you may be big but I can take ya', I've got three kids, the only people I fear are those with four.

Hubby made Gumbo last night, Seven Hills Riesling went nicely, enough acid to cut the thick soup and enough sweet to balance the heat.

Feelin' foggy.

Studies have shown that after child birth we suffer a certain amount of memory loss, lasting at least a year and it's unknown if it ever actually gets better. I'm confident after putting a teaspoon of salt in my coffee this morning that it does not. When I was working I would laugh the first time I would drive past an account, my mind elsewhere. After turning around and heading back I would then get a bit irritated upon passing it again and by the third time, well let's just say some people didn't get seen that day. We blame it on a few things, lack of sleep topping the list. As newborns of course they are up all night, then they start sleeping through and now we're up wondering if the second hand on the ticking clock is them crying from a night terror. If you're home with them you don't sleep when they do because when else would you shower/eat/pee/or do laundry so you're not wearing those same sweatpants you wore through out the entire last 4mo? If you're back to work you're thinking about whom ever is entrusted with their care, are they crying because you're gone? not eating? did they just fall/roll over/walk/recite the Declaration Proclamation with out us seeing it first???? Your mind is elsewhere.

I also think a lack of nutrition plays in here as well. I would spend my pregnancy eating 24/7 storing up reserves for the inevitable. Mom's don't get to eat. At least not for a while. I discovered anything I could microwave in 20 seconds and eat with one hand was my friend. With my third I actually managed to make all his baby food, which helped me not gag when swiping a bite to stave off my own hunger pangs. Now grazing on the spare nugget and last drops of chocolate milk somehow count as lunch. If I do manage to reheat some leftovers there is always someone who thinks if mom is eating it, it must be better than what I've got!!! Even if it's something no one came near the night before! I've dubbed this the mommy diet and now make a 6 egg omelet for myself even after they have loaded up on pancakes and bacon. I'll be lucky to get an egg with a strand of cheese.

I've become a maker of lists. Lists of things to do/buy/go/make/want/read/ask about/look up. Referring to these actual lists, is the number one priority on 'to do'. I still forget milk at the store, to make a vegetable with dinner, to turn on the dryer, to look up the address of our old pediatrician so the new one will see my kids and countless more. One thing I won't forget, is the subtle difference between the salt and sugar bowl.

Be kind cruel world...

When they handed that screaming, wrinkled, mis-shapen bundle over to me the first time, all I could think was how this was mine. Mine to grow, keep safe and mold into the future adult they would all eventually become. We think of it as a mother's job to raise the child, hopefully along with the father or at the very least an involved extended family. We fret over what they will eventually disclose to their therapist which we are convinced they will need. Blaming all their quirks, ticks and general malaise on how we didn't tuck them in one night or so and so got more marshmallows in their cocoa. I at least didn't think of all the other influences until there was school. I figured he would be learning the three R's, I wasn't planning on fixing all the other stuff he's learning. A big thanks to the teacher that sort of talked about stranger danger and the ensuing reprimands I received for talking to any one including the grocery clerk that I didn't technically know. Thanks again to the teacher that told him about 'bad' kids that are bully's and NOT to be friends with them, that's one way to stop them from being bully's for sure!!! And my biggest award to date is going to the teacher that told him never to give money to people on the street who ask for it, they can get a job they just don't want to. Seriously people, if my son wants to take what little money he has on his person and give it to Bill Gates because he thinks he's doing something good then for goodness sakes LET HIM! Don't teach him to assume he knows anything about anyone! Don't assume all strangers and bully's are bad people and don't assume Sally doesn't need your help because she's wearing a new outfit. Making assumptions is step one is stereotyping, a word I'm hoping will be relegated to dictionaries and not his active to do list. These are the conversations that come up while sitting down to a meal with my children, would they still come up if we were watching TV or playing video games? not likely.

mmmmmmmm, food.

First I have to give props to Creektown Cafe. Eric surprised me with date night so we went and had yet another truly amazing meal. I cant seem to say enough about how well thought out their menu is, combinations I would never dream up and yet work seamlessly. From our appetizer of squash panne cotta to my vegetarian entree of squash gnocchi (that we coined as little pillows of love) w/caramelized cauliflower, chantrelles and local aged goat cheese it was so incredibly rich and hearty even the most hardened meat eatter would be left satisfied.

Food has always played a huge role in my life. From when I decided to drop my Political Science major and get my Culinary Arts Degree. To meeting my then future husband in class. Food steered me into the wine industry, setting me on voyage I didn't foresee. The past few years real food had taken a back seat to child rearing and work. Dinner consisted of some KFC in the backseat while we sped to the latest sports practice. Weaning the kiddo's off the fast food and making them eat the real stuff has been less then easy. I often wonder if they would eat my meals better if I served them in a box and gave them a new toy. Instead I've opted for getting them involved. Starting with the garden where they sow, tend and harvest right along with me. Getting to explain to them why the eggs they are toting back to the fridge are warm from the hen, not ice box cold like they are used to. Showing them how to knead bread and putting toppings on their own pizza. The next task is explaining (and have them understand) why it's better for us to eat "Molly" (who is currently tucked in the freezer) then to eat the poor pseudo-free range one from the store that was only 8 weeks old and never actually exercised it's option to go outside to eat a blade of grass or run after a grasshopper. But those are ethic's issues not easily adopted by a 6 year old so we'll stick with she was a freeloader not laying well and not all that nice. Do we still eat McDonald's? Of course we do. I've got 3 kids, we would have a mutiny if we didn't, maybe that's their version of Creektown, we don't go all the time but when they do it's the most amazing experience they can imagine. Lately, I don't know if anything has made me happier than seeing pro-corn commercials airing, it means the word is getting out and maybe people will actually delve into the facts some more so they CAN know what the problem is. Read a label you'll understand why you can't eat it in moderation. That's all for my high horse on that subject. We also all eat dinner together at the dinner table. There are so many studies out showing how much better kids do in school when dinner is eaten as a family. TV off. Newspaper's put down. We talk, we plan, we share with each other. Not just on Sunday's but every night. Yes it's that important. Food will always bring people together, I'm hoping it will always keep mine that way.

I suppose now I'm supposed to write out my family spaghetti recipe, here's a guideline so to speak. Italian sausage both sweet and hot, lots of garlic, onions and mushrooms sauteed add tomato paste cook some more and de-glaze w/red wine, fresh oregano and thyme are added w/tomato juice, salt and pepper to taste, dash of sugar depending on acid in tomato's you're using. Don't salt till your done simmering or it will condense too much. Simmer preferable a really long time, always better the next day. finish w/fresh basil at service.

Happy Election Day, NOT.

On this ever festive election day I can't resist a post of political nature. Don't worry I'm not endorsing anyone. No really. I'm literally not endorsing anyone. I honestly couldn't give a flying pink elephant who we wake up to as President. It simply doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I did vote. But in the bigger picture it really matters not. I'm so excruciatingly happy that Ive come to this juncture in my life. This time last year I was a frantic/stressed/angry/bitter/pyscho-maniac and this whole election probably would've done me in. No matter who we wake up to tomorrow it will not effect me making my mom's spaghetti for dinner. The girls will lay no more or no less eggs. Chloe will not nip the kids any less hard and Elaina will still think the letter A stands for fish. Raise my taxes and we'll cut back a little more. again. Screw up our health care and we'll become even more locavore's, grasping all the health benefit's it bestows on us. Whatever, you're not really in charge any ways HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The last appointment I had with my cardiologist, yes at 35 I had a stinkin' cardiologist, he told me "you need to just relax" which of course at the time seemed like the single most asinine thing to say. I have since found someone else that says the same thing, Matthew 11:28, added bonus he actually gives instructions on how to do it! So tonight we'll open a bottle of what I'm not sure, turn on the tube and watch the results start to flow in and then I'll make the kids popcorn and they'll go to bed w/a story, just like last night, just like tomorrow night and presumably every night to come.

A Little Clarity.

Usually that's something I actually crave. A specific answer amongst all the chaos. Shine that beam on me, let the clouds part and tell me what to do. We all want it, that is until it happens. Seriously. Yesterday I was asked to lead a small group discussion. No problem, I can talk all day. Uh Oh, the cheat sheet says I have to open w/a prayer. me. a prayer. OK, I am a christian, I know this shouldn't be hard. But it's always been something that was mine, not something I really put out there. I'm uncomfortable praying w/other people when THEY are doing the talking, I know get over it, but really its just not easy. So climb on that horse and say something! And this is where it all went wrong. You see I prayed for clarity. I don't recommend it. With a group of women, I prayed we would all have our hearts and minds opened to hear what it was that we were supposed to be doing, where we were going and the strength to carry it out. whoops. After we were home I had a few questions for our group leader so I emailed her and not one second after I hit the send button I knew I had another email for her. This one telling her I want her position that she will be vacating next year. NO I DON'T!!! I don't want it. I don't know how!!! I don't want to be in charge, I cant lead a group of mom's!!! Really???? Really God??? ugh. Needless to say I argued it in my head the best I could, before sitting down and just doing it. Let me say I laid out every disclaimer possible that if someone else was already up for it, or if she had someone in mind (other than me) then AWESOME, but I was being told to do something and so here I am, I'm now done w/my obligation, see if I lead a prayer ever again. I know, I know, it's all part of the journey, it's where I'm going, it's where I am, it's oddly where I want to be. Just be forewarned, be careful of what you ask for, you might just get it. No I haven't heard anything yet.

Halloween!!!!

Holy cupcake day!!! I somehow managed to bake and decorate 4 yes 4 dozen cupcakes yesterday. 3 dozen of which went promptly to Ethan's class party and the remaining dozen will be going to our church's Harvest Festival cake walk. They turned out really well for a rookie attempt at decorating, pastry chef I am not. Unfortunately they taste just like giant sugar cookies which I have an affinity for so Ethan's 3 dz was closer to 33.

Tonights plan is to trick or treat Eric's work (a retirement home) at 4, get home by 5 for homemade pizza with Ethan's friend and mom, then the whole clan will trick or treat the 3 or so blocks to church's party, play there, then trick or treat back home where multiple bottles of wine will surely be opened in an attempt to regain our sanity. Costumes are as follows, Elijah is a dragon. I bought it last year 90% off (woohoo) at Target, so he's all warm and cozy. Ethan wants to be the Hulk, costume also bought last year at same Target sale. Elaina on the other hand wants to be a princess. Alright, it's going to be like 37 degrees outside not exactly flouncy, frilly, princess weather. So my plan which I started warming her up to earlier in the week was to be a Dino-princess!!!! niiiiiiiiiice! Ethan had a plush dino costume he wore a few years back, I know its really warm, we're putting a tutu, crown and fairy wings on it and voila, dino-princess. I realize this is the last year I'm going to be able to get away with this. But right now mommy logic still prevails! Now to figure out how to dispose of all the candy while making them think they ate it all. Last year Eric simply took it all to his work to fatten up all his co-workers/customers. Ethan still talks of the injustice. I'm thinking a good handful a day taken out till a more manageable level is attained. That is of course after all the mommy and daddy candy are taking out. All normal chocolate, that includes anything not made into a Halloween shape, will be sequestered to the freezer. Anything toffee/butterscotch/carmel can't possibly be truly enjoyed by a child so those too will be hidden in a parent stash. Tootsie Rolls will also have to come out, what better way to subdue a sweet tooth than with a chewy, fat free treat. Anything nostalgic will probably have to go, they don't understand the subtle complexities of a Sugar Daddy or a Bit O'Honey so why bother them with it. Now to figure out what goes best with out Halloween booty, maybe a bit of bubbly is in order...
Dinner last night was chicken, broccoli, rice casserole. I think everyone makes one for potlucks and such but I love that we've always done ours w/pepper jack cheese so its nice and creamy and spicy. Didn't managed to make spaghetti sauce yesterday, I was knee deep in batter.

Oh Elijah...

"I go poopy like Chloe!!!"

Great, that would explain what Chloe is eating and smeared all over her side.

Elijah my baby is potty training. I’ve tried a few other half hearted efforts but now it's game on. To be done with diapers brings a tear to my eye, NOT! I've been elbow deep in someone else's bodily functions for six and a half years and would like to now narrow the list to simply, me. I figured it was time when he demanded I put his diaper on him, um no. He's smart, he knows he can go whenever, where ever in a diaper, without one, not so much. My baby boy.

Elijah's the last of the empire. Let me just say the patch is no longer my choice for birth control, Eric has sought out a more permanent solution. But alas, life finds a way and as I sat in my car eating the Hostess raspberry filled powder sugar donuts that I drove to 3 different stores in a frantic search for, the light bulb went off and I went to Walgreen's for a test. Not just a test mind you but one of those new fangled digital ones so as I sat there staring at it the word pregnant magically appeared before my eyes. Luckily at this point Eric simply laughed when I told him through my tears. I was off the chart scared. Persevere we did and I even managed an au natural birth which I truly wanted and with that my baby birthing is done. This of course was after my water broke at home and I made everyone go to Jack in the Box for an enormous spicy chicken sandwich and fries, I knew they would keep me as soon as we went to L&D and food would be banned till Elijah appeared.

Elijah is so easy going, does everything his older sib's do and often just as well. Except for being a 'cluster feeder' (he nursed non-stop from about 4pm-2am every.single.night.) he was a great baby. He's of course finding his voice now and saying "no!" alot more but he is 2. "I do it" is the phrase of choice. He plays with his sister all day and does awesome at any playgroup. With an affinity for being naked, I know our neighbors must think we're some back woods family that lets our kids run around without any clothes in the dead of well fall. But honestly I can dress him 12x a day and they all miraculously dissolve off of him seconds later. I no longer look down upon the parents of the barefoot kid playing in the street. Elaina goes to school next year and we'll have 2 solid years of bonding, my babe, my snuggler. His laugh is infectious and you can’t help but giggle at his indescribably deep voice with his "I not" response to most requests. I love ya goof ball, hopefully not more than you'll ever know.

wine last night was mediocre at best so will probably make a batch of spaghetti sauce using it today and see if some resemblance of flavor emerges from being open all night. Sauce on the other hand should be great, I picked up some hot Italian from Thundering Hooves, made from happy pigs, their products are so amazingly good.

Puppies and other neurotic beings

I will first say that I'm well aware that this post should be about Elijah. But since it took me a full week to write about Elaina I figure I can take a little time to formulate my thoughts on my youngest. Being that its 5am and I'm on the computer thanks to our latest edition, I figured I’d honor her w/a post. Chloe as I have named her, is a 10wk old English Springer. Seriously the cutest thing you've ever seen and w/possibly the sharpest teeth ever honed by the breed. We've always had dogs. I grew up w/an English Springer who had puppies. One of which (Chloe) we all wanted to keep but sold off any way, hence the name. We also had a Bassett, everyone should have one at some point in their life simply for comic relief. When my husband and I moved to AZ we got a Brittany pup and soon after another that I 'rescued' from animal control. Both of which died this summer so the search for a new family member kicked into high gear. I of course thought the kids would go nutty for a puppy and possibly watch a little less Sponge Bob in the pursuit of her affections. Unfortunately puppies have teeth and for the first week the kids became all too aware of this realization, escaping instead to the basement where she didn't want to venture. They have since started 'playing', and I use that term lightly, with her. It consists mostly of picking her up and carrying her around or playing puppy toss to get her riled up then sprinting around the living room like a true pack of wild animals till the instigating child eventually trips and gets nipped all over any soft region exposed, which considering they all spend a vast amount of time naked could really be anything! We wanted a dual purpose dog, one to guard the girls out back from any cats and two, to be a hunting companion for my husband and I guess three, to save Elaina from having to retrieve any ducks from an icy stream. So here in lies the problem, how do you train a bird dog to leave the girls alone while still making her a good hunting dog. This answer hasn't been brought to the light yet but so far it consists of letting her flush the chickens as much as she wants to encourage her talents. The girls oblige for a while, scattering, running, brwaaaaking, until a point. When enough is enough all they have to do is stop. Turn around and look at her. She hits reverse like nobody's business, alpha dog she is not. Now that it’s almost 6am she is finally back to sleep under my chair, a spot she'll occupy for hopefully the next 12 years or so. Like newborns, they are cute for a reason. Who can resist that face at 4:30am? I've got coffee, the fire is going and some time to myself for a change, I guess I should thank her. Maybe after one more cup. Dinner is ground turkey natcho's dont think I really need to put a recipe on here just make nacho's but use ground turkey, I love an easy dinner! vino later tbd...thinking Snoqualmie Whistle Stop Red, eric brought it home the other night to try as house alternative, review later!

Elaina

My nemesis. Where to begin. I love this girl, yes it's true. Here come's the but, but man she will be the death of me. Elaina started off easy enough. She popped out on the second push and barely cried. She slept constantly and almost completely through the night from the get go, we were in heaven. That should've been my blazing red flag, but no. She now practice's free will to the n'th degree. Currency she has none. Not monetary currency but psychological. All threats are idle, do/say what you will, take away stuff, put in time-out, swat that little bottom and it's all the same, she will endure and she will win. Later in life this will be her greatest asset, her employer will beat her down and she will come back fighting, life in general will hand her those lemons and she will stomp the last bit of juice out of them. The sky is truly the limit for that girl and I fear for whom ever stands in her way, she will take you down. Luckily some things are starting to click as far as pre-k is going, she is now obsessed w/spelling her name and watching enough Leap Frog movies has led to her knowing alot of sounds the letters of the alphabet make. Elaina loves all animals and Im not remotely exaggerating. This summer I found her pushing her new pet worm on the swing and if Ethan kills a spider she is more than happy to pick it up and throw it away, certainly more than I can say about me! Elaina waited longer to do almost everything, crawling, walking, talking, potty training. But the second she realized she could, she did. There was no transition period, no starting off slow. She waits till she can do it perfectly and she does. She's a thinker aka plotter. I never turn my back with out fully accepting the consequences. Silence is not golden and I doubt it ever will be. She loves to help me, possibly more than I actually want help but Im starting to embrace it more. She will make an entire meal with me start to finish and couldnt be happier. I know she needs to feel useful and can see her glow with pride in her accomplishments. My girl, one day we will go for tea and a mani/pedi. Right now I'll be content with her incessant pleas to go hunting with dad. In every roll of your eyes and every deep sigh you emit, I see myself. In loving you, I am loving me. I want to curl up and hold my little girl tight maybe if I can catch her nodding off she'll let me. Elaina, I love you more than chocolate chips. Grilled chicken w/Penzey's Northwood's seasoning sooooo good and a no brainer, along w/cheesy mashed potatoe's and the last of this year farmer's market corn. There's a Guinness in my future, my husband loves me and brought some home last night.

Ethan

Thinking about why I'm even doing this whole "blog" thing Ive decided its more a memoir for my kids. Hopefully one day they will read it and know deep in their hearts the real reason mommy went wacky. Reason number one being my oldest Ethan. I feel like I should apologise 100 times for all the ways we already completely screwed him up and possibly set aside some money for the psychiatric help he will surely need. Yes Ethan I would love to say we planned for years, anticipated every twinge in my body as being the beginnings of your life within me but you my love were a complete surprise. Our marriage being on rocky ground (familiar ring?)I had an epiphany after I got my head out of the toilet and did some quick math, I called Eric to find out when and if he would be home tonight. yes things were that bad. He responded by wondering if I was going to be there, thinking I had packed my bags. not so much. I had said for better or for worse and I'ld be damned if I was giving up and now w/a baby it was sink or swim time. We hoisted ourselves up after the initial shock and got full swing into rebuilding our marriage and making a "happy" home for our child. We got every book and watched way more "baby story" than should be allowed. Eric dove in head first too and loved spouting off the daily changes I was going through, "hey honey you should have to pee more now because your bladder is squished and stuff might be leaking from your boobs!!!!" thanks hon. Ethan came into the world w/two parents that couldn't have loved a baby more. He screamed while he was still coming out and stopped as soon as I said "hey there, so you're the one kicking me" he then started up again shortly there after and hasn't stopped. Eric carried him all over the neighborhood at 3am I have still never seen a daddy wear a baby as much as mine. Ethan has always been the extrovert, happy in any situation and so sensitive I often wonder how he can care so much for humanity while pouncing on his siblings at the same time. We will never forget Ethan's favorite phrase as a toddler "don't worry mom it won't hurt, it just tickles!" Eric became fond of saying it too, hence elaina and elijah, HA! You'll understand that later Ethan my boy! Forever wanting to be dad's hunting partner, while practically crying in the fabric store for his own knitting needles. He's the master of any hobby he takes up w/the imagination of the greatest authors of all times. If only we could get him to focus or care about any of them. When his teacher recently sent home sign ups to help w/future holiday parties I asked Ethan which I should help out with. He said "mom what do you think is more important? a holiday that celebrates candy or the baby Jesus? which do you think you should help on?" um gosh if you put it that way. I thought I was the one dispensing the guilt here! My theory is that by having a boy first clears any doubts that you would want another child. Ethan loves me unconditionally as I do him. I have never doubted his affection, it overflows in buckets. You may have been a surprise but the best things in life often are. Im not living my life by my plan any more and Ethan coming along was step 1 in the journey to where we are now in our marriage and our faith. He will always be a lap kid and that's OK w/me, one day (at least I think) he wont want to sit and cuddle and all too soon he'll be looking to cuddle someone else. Right now he's mine, girlfriends beware you have some serious shoes to fill.

knit one, purl two...

Here we go. Drawing from my father's vast array of talents/love of any hobby Ive now decided I want to try knitting. With winter fast approaching and my garden needing less tending I figure this would be a good time to start. I have a friend that says she can teach me (we'll see about that) it doesnt seem like rocket science and am now wondering if a good book is all I need. Ive actually wanted to try it for a few years and just never had the time with the kids needing so much attention but now that they are amusing themselves a bit more on their own I think I might be able to give it a go. I picture long, fluffy scarves wrapped securely around each child, dressed in a warm, sweater w/a pattern of their choosing on the front, *snicker* um right. I have a vision of sitting on the couch in the evening, snow falling outside, a glowing fire sending its warm arms all around us as I sip my '94 Warre's. "oh honey!? I could use some more blue-cheese w/my port, please" the knitting needles clicking away as the pattern from some exquisitely spun and baby soft yarn evolves right before my eyes into an heirloom my children will surely pass on to their own brood. Unfortunately that is the dream, the reality is I will have finally settled into my spot on the couch after relegating the kids downstairs for 242nd time to "PLAY NICELY W/EACH OTHER!!!" I cant get the fireplace to light because the pilot has gone out mysteriously AGAIN so Im wrapped in the one 1 blanket I have kept w/the least amount dog bite holes in it and FINALLY settle w/my same glass of '94 Warre's in my attempt to make it aaaallllll better, when the frantic pounding of feet on stairs from my previously sequestered children come full bore into view onto me and sending wine, needles, yarn and dreams flying. oh and eric's eatten all the blue cheese. hehehe sorry had to throw that in. So we'll see how this goes, not sure when Ill start it yet, I have to email my friend first to see if she can help, oh I need sooooooo much help.
Last night's dinner was this soup I love. I actually got the recipe about 15 years ago from the newspaper it was a soup from Olive Garden that they were running on special at the time (no I never had it at Olive Garden so I dont know how it compared) I then tweaked and made it my own and really need to remember to make it more often, 1c each carrot, onion, celery sauteed in 1/4c olive oil w/3 cloves garlic and 6 slices cooked and crumbled bacon (cook till soft about 10min) add 2 cans drained and pureed garbanzo beans and 1 can chopped tomatoes (I also puree the tomatoes since my kids wont eat them if they see them) 1 tbls finely (no one wants to eat a twig) chopped fresh rosemary and chopped cooked chicken (I use about 6 chicken breast tenders or 2-3 whole breasts) let simmer together indefinitely to marry flavors, before service add about 1c cooked pasta (I like bowties, penne or rotini) salt and pepper to taste and top w/Parmesan at table. so good especially w/fresh bread sticks!

sick and tired of being sick and tired

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't posted for a while. Well that's because a full blown sinus bug has taken over my head and is impairing me from making any cognizant thoughts. The only thing I can come up w/is to gripe about the situation which is going on a week, yes I know a week is nothing. Doctors wont even let you in the door until a full 14 days have passed at which point I will be in jail for the disappearance of my entire family. Not by my hand mind you, I'm pretty sure they're all ready to jump ship. The old saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" definitely fits. When I was working full time if I had a cold/debilitating disease I could stay home w/husband at work and the kids in daycare and get some rest. Drink some tea, have some crackers and dream of a place w/o Kleenex and the chirping of the birds isn't a muffled question mark in my brain. Staying home presents a new situation. Laying down only invites being ridden like a rodeo bronco and any box of tissue is quickly turned into a craft project hopefully not including glue or staples. Taking any medication that would actually offer any relief is out of the question since I would probably take Elaina up on her demands to cut her apple and cheddar snack herself and that girl should never wield a chef's knife. ever. Play dates have been cancelled to stave off a full blown epidemic in my circle but the lack of outside communication leaves me even crabbier (if possible). Forced solitary confinement w/2 small children would break even the most harden criminal. Stop sending the nun's into the prisons send pre-schooler's!!!! Luckily I'm still cooking. yesterday 2 loaves of bread (3c bread flour, 2c whole wheat, 1tbl salt blended, heated: 2c milk, 6tbl butter, 1tbl honey to about 110-degrees then add 2 packets yeast to bloom. blend together, knead about 8 min let rise till double, turn out and shape into 2 loaf pans let rise again about an hour, bake 350 about 40 min.) and a killer meatloaf which I hadn't done for a while I made 3 loaves cooking 1 last night and now 2 are in the freezer! Don't have a real recipe per se for the meatloaf but ingredients are as follows (ground sirloin, ground pork sausage, onion, garlic, celery, carrot, 6in stalk rosemary removed after cooking, sauteed and added to meats, smoked paprika, eggs and bread crumbs) bake till done. serve w/mushroom gravy, accompanied by blue and gold roasted potato's and green beans from the garden!!! If only I could've had a glass of wine w/it, oh well maybe tonight.

SCREEEEEEAAAAAMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGG!!!

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNT CEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAALLLL!!!!
Honestly she's lucky we dont have space under our stairwell because she would be there. she of course being elaina. my princess. my girl. her default mode for asking is to screeeeeaaaaam!!! granted this doesnt happen everyday and she does oddly know how to ask and get a normal response from me but man when the mood strikes, watch out. I am usually able to chalk it up to hunger or lack of sleep but on those rare occasions where she has just gotten up and just eaten, my tolerance level is nil. so what do you do? let's see options 1. spank, 2. timeout, 3. ignore. first spank. pretty sure this will make her scream louder.
timeout. put her in another room where she continues to scream, now possibly destroying all things in a 10 foot radius.
ignore. the single hardest and remarkably most effective. depending of course on her will-power and that's really what it comes down to isnt it? how long either of us can hold out. depending on the time of day and my general mood she admittedly has won on occasion which is obviously why this hasnt stopped although they are getting fewer. luckily today it was 9am, I had my breakfast and my coffee and I was in for the long haul. she sensed it and gave up relatively quickly, much to the relief of my neighbors Im sure. Oh to live in country where no one can hear the screams. one day little girl. one day.
making gazpacho for lunch, pulled all but the garlic from the garden, making some for my neighbor too who was inquiring about how to make one last week, will post recipe after I decide everything to use pretty sure chipotle will play a role, mmmmmmmmm.

playdates aka mommy dates

playdates. you can love 'em or hate 'em. as a fairly new stay at home mom they are vital to me so I don't go completely insane alone w/my kids all day. getting out to talk w/other mom's even if it is about our kids is something I look forward to every week. why then do I suck so badly at it? maybe because Ive spent the past 6 1/2 years of having children w/a not so flexible schedule and therefore wasn't able to hone my girlfriend skills. the first couple always feel rather interviewy w/me giving up far more information about myself than I ever manage to gather from my companions. Its that whole chatty gene I inherited from my dad. I then get home trying to remember names was it Sally or Molly? was she married/divorced? she did have a kid there right? finding girlfriends is far more difficult than finding a mate. a mate you're basing things on how you click emotionally balanced w/how you click physically, a girlfriend is 100% emotional. I at least am not drawn to a girlfriend w/o knowing why, where as I was definitely drawn to my husband from the get go. I usually go home and think of all things I should've said or done or who I should've given my number too, maybe next time. worst of all what if you click but your kids do not? and then the next step of family get-togethers what if the husbands loathe each other? how many fairy tale friendships are out there where all the moons and stars align? I over think things waaaaaaaay too much. no wonder social websites are so popular, its easier for one. If you get in an argument you can state your case or not and never "speak" to the person again. Not so true in real life. You're going to run into your former friend at the park or school open house. girlfriends take work. I guess now I have some time to make them a priority in my life. They have no idea what they're in for, maybe I should give them this link.

dinner tonight Pizza!!!! w/cucumber, tomato, walla walla onion salad, we are being over-run w/cukes must eat some tonight! tomorrow will be zucchini muffins for breakfast playdate not sure the recipe yet may wing it.

Giving

Am I a giver? I think if I posed that question to friends and family they would say yes! "you have 3 kids, you stay at home, you give your time and energy to your family" but does that make me a giver? Sure we gave the presents from Ethan's bday last year to a charity that he choose, we give in the literal sense at church, but is that all I have? Ive undertaken being the Hospitality Team Leader at MOP's, I'm mainly coordinating the meals for mom's who have a newborn or w/a medical need. OK I understand they are the obvious ones but all I can think is how when Eric was working here for a month while I was home. alone. w/3 kids. If someone had come by w/a meal that I didnt have to think about I probably would've cried. So what constitutes need? How about when you're simply at your wits end and can barely function? there are times we all have when its all just too much period. Hopefully we all have 1 friend that we confide that in. That person could ask us for a little help. Sometimes 5 minutes is all I need to recharge. To breathe. If dropping off a meal could do that for someone wouldnt you do it? Giving when you dont have anything to give. Its not up to the billionaires, getting something from someone that has everything doesnt inspire me to give, its when you see someone w/absolutely nothing giving the last of what they have, that's where real inspiration comes, that's when I want/have to get involved. If my talent is talking and my gift is cooking then let's pull them together. I have a family of 5 and food prices are going through the roof, but that means they're even farther through the roof for someone else. Oddly I actually know that this is going to work, that stinkin' voice in my head again.

The Garden

BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK... Ugh. It's 2:34am Whinnie wanted out desperately so I let her, propped the back door and went back to bed now she's going crazy about something. I get up to call her back in, coming w/in 5 feet of the door the stench of skunk is overwhelming. Crap! I call her fearing the worst and give her a quick sniff test. she's fine. no massive clucking so the girls are fine too. Heading back to bed it hits me. my garden. I then lay in bed till 4am wide awake wondering if I should get the flashlight to check on my tomatoes, or what about the delicate baby lettuce just emerging? If it so much as took one cucumber there will be skunk traps all over my backyard!!!! you DO NOT mess w/the garden.

Upon first light my tentative inspection begins. Everything still accounted for. The soft leaves of the baby winter greens mix sucking in the first rays of sun. Tomatoes glistening, holy cow that's a huge cucumber Ive missed! Take a quick handful of beans for dinner tonight. Time for a quick trim on the zucchini and pull out the radishes that never quite made it. The broccoli gave it a good try but time to yank that and plant a bit more overwintering Italian blend. Yes the obsession has gone to the next level.

Today is the final sowing of my winter garden, Im 4wks out from first frost and this is the 3rd sowing, hoping to get ANY fresh vegetables this winter. Ive scoured books, Ive ordered my seed on-line from the best companies, this will work. Overwintering varieties of lettuce, broccoli, carrots, kohlrabi, cauliflower, red and sweet onions, beets, fennel and spinach are all in. Finishing up are cucumbers, beans, tomatoes and zucchini w/butternut squash and brussel sprouts starting to bud and should be great for Thanksgiving!

Kiddo's love it too, they've never eatten so many veggies. We even blocked off their own garden for them and let them plant what ever! Ethan's peas were more productive than mine were, maybe a little neglect isnt so bad. Im tired of over-thinking things. I plant alot so bugs/rot/neglect can take their share. Just leave me enough for dinner. One less trip to the store w/3 kids is worth it.

Next years will be moved closer to the house, not nestled between 2 giant trees and Ive got enough fencing for a 50 x 50 plot, a bit more ambitious than I think it actually will be, I think. Perusing the seed catalogs has left me drooling and pining for spring! But first things first, grow winter garden grow!!!

Writers Block

Almost a full week has past since I last sat here and spilled the thoughts that been over flowing in my head. I've come to realize that regular bloggers must be partially schizophrenic since in the short week that Ive been tackling this I cant seem to quiet the running narrative in my head w/everything I do. If I start talking about myself in third person I will seek help. The problem seems to stem from what to write. As I'm doing dishes a task that I cant seem to get away from being our woe-some lack of a dishwasher, I think how this simple act of cleaning could be a full page in itself. When we moved here and I found out we were getting a house sans dishwasher I pretty much thought that was the end to my blissfull fantasy I had created in my head. Now as I look at my clean counters, no running or full dishwasher forever beckoning me, I think things that are meant to make our lives easier, end up making it more complicated. How in the same time it took me to unload and load my dishwasher before, I have now cleared and washed by hand all dirty dishes and there isn't the impending putting away still looming. Will our next house have a dishwasher? probably. Will I use it? I don't really know.

This old place also has a laundry line out back. Yes I actually had to Google instructions on hanging clothes out. Not something I'm proud of mind you but after you have almost an entire load of wet clothes strewn across your barely grass laden "yard" you too would search for a better way. The best way Ive found is to simply keep alot of hangers out there and just hang it all on hangers and then transfer straight to the closet. I try to hang out as much as I can except socks, undies and towels (they get too scratchy) and I'm a sucker for a soft towel.

When we were leaving Tucson one of my coworkers told me I sounded like I was retiring. Not exactly, but I am searching for something simpler. Doing things ourselves. Taking responsibility for how my children become individuals that make a difference. Lettuce doesn't come from a bag and a little breading on your friend in the backyard and you've got a nugget. This is real life and I feel like I'm finally doing something that matters. As prestigious and hoity-toity as the wine industry was/is, it didn't matter. It doesn't make any one better, the world more peaceful or give anyone real purpose. Like anything, its a great hobby, but what legacy would I have left behind? "She sold me a great Roussanne, something I never would've tried" not exactly the headstone I want.

So as I sort out all the topics of daily life coursing through my brain I promise to try to stick to one. On most days. Not all.

husband is hunting elk/deer (Im praying for an elk) so dinner tonight is kids choice! Luckily they love gnocchi so its Pumpkin gnocchi w/green beans (from garden) and pepper bacon and some funny melon we got at the farmers market. I think a Guinness is calling my name tonight or maybe a Black Butte Porter a bit wined out somehow.

The Girls

"Good morning Ladies!!!!" I say conjuring up my best Howie Mandel via Deal or No Deal. The morning ritual of letting our chickens out for the day always begins the same. They start clucking around 6 and are down right angry by 7, spoiled rotten hens. I admittedly thought my husband was crazy for even suggesting chickens. When he started spouting off how easy and beneficial it would be for us all I was seriously impressed! "you don't read your own magazines, do you?" he told me. Yes its true I had picked up a copy of Mother Earth News drawn in by the article on cheese making (which turned out to be a complete chapter on cheese from Barbera Kingsolvers book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle which I had JUST finished reading, you cannot possibly make it through that book w/o completely changing how you eat but that's another post.) so anyhow! there was an article on backyard chickens which apparently my husband DID read and was hooked! Off to the hatchery for 6 hens (we affectionately refer to as rescue chickens), we made a coop and a run and called it good. Or so we thought. After a couple days we thought they really would be happier wandering our 1/3 acre lot and so they were released. Granted w/ a certain amount of trepidation being that we have a Brittany who by design is not just a hunting dog but a BIRD hunting dog, which my husband has taken on various bird hunting trips. OH NO!!! she sees them and charges....then stops....they all stop...she walks off. great bird dog. They all live in bliss today. We are trying to train her to at least chase the wayward cat that notices them, GET THE KITTY, GET THE KITTY!!!!! we scream and she runs frantically outside, that's the end of the spurt before it even gets started, luckily its usually enough to frighten the felines away. They are my future dinner not yours!!!! We have a deal see, you produce eggs and I will give you all the room you want and all the fruit/veg/garden scraps you can imagine! They are in bliss and Im getting a steady supply of eggs from most...Snowflake as we have named her was molting when we got her, has since stopped and best start producing soon or she may be the first to go. This IS something I at least plan on, not doing mind you, that will be left up to my husband. Its the circle of life, I am an omnivore, this I know. I promise their life is 10 thousand times better than any chicken found at the local grocery store, I will not feel bad, we will simply "rescue" some more and the cycle will continue. We're hoping to make it to the spring w/all 6, happy and healthy so please don't start mourning any losses just yet. For now they'll have to put up w/being hand fed farmer's market nectarines from a 4 year old. Spoiled rotten hens.

Church

Another where to begin topic. We finally found a home church. After 10 years of marriage and countless attempts at different denominations none of which ever clicked. The last being a non-denominational church much like the one we are going to now. Unfortunately the timing was off, I had just had a miscarriage at 13 wks, my husband thought church was the place we needed to be and I simply wasnt ready. I was not happy w/anything or anyone God related, I didnt want to know that it was for the best or that there was a bigger plan or it all happens for a reason. I wanted my baby. I cried the entire service and never went back.

Last year things started to change. Not for the better mind you, we started going to marriage counseling where I came to stunning realization that I simply couldnt be super-mom any more. I couldnt work full time/cook/clean/educate/pamper or love anyone including myself. It was too much. My kids were unhappy, my husband was definitely unhappy and I was miserable. My work which I always loved, in an industry that was my passion was forsaking me. Changes, changes and more changes cut my take home in half and I could no longer afford to work there. Then I spent one entire day w/a winery owner, listening to her talk all day of this wonderful place they were located, a place my husband and I had visited pre-kids. I was hooked. I came home and told him we were moving, we HAD to get out. He of course laughed. We told our families of our (my) new plan, the following weekend my in-laws received an inquiry on what my husband was doing and would there be any way he would want to move to this exact town. Calls were made, tickets booked and in less than 5 months we were here. Not just here mind you, he got a raise, our house payment is exactly 1/2 of our last which allows me to stay home. We were invited to a church by his coworker and when we left we both knew it was home. Suddenly Im happier, the kids are happier, my husband is happier and our marriage is healthier than its ever been. I can look back now and see that everything that sucked the past year was preparing us for where we are today. Cutting my salary allowed us to realize we can live on less, I can stay home and do what Im really passionate about, cook real food for my family. Many woman have also warped into my life that I dearly love already and to top it off I was asked to be on the leadership team for a MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) group held at my church. I went to one meeting at the end of their year and now Im going to be helping to welcome other new moms in! Today's sermon talked about listening to that voice, God's voice. When he tells you something you need to do, you need to do it. He will provide. He told me we needed to move to this city, I told my husband, he told our family and here we are. It was all handed to us, and we are all the better. The voice told me this week to start this blog, so I am.

husband wanted red last night so we had Columbia Crest Two Vines Vineyard 10 Red, if you can find a better Washington red for $5 let me know 'cause this ones great! tonight I WILL have the Ash Hollow w/our pizza (Dough: 2c bread flour I like to use 1 1/2c bread flour and 1/2c spelt but whatever mix you like, mixed w/1 tsp salt, proof 1tsp yeast and 1/4 tsp sugar/honey in 1c warm water once yeast is going add to flour blend to combine and add 1 tbl olive oil continue till smooth but still very sticky/loose (no more than 5min). cover and rise about 1-1 1/2 hrs. prepare any toppings you wish, I like to make my sauce but any jarred sauce works fine too, oven as hot as it'll go 500-degrees, pour risen dough onto parchment or greased cookie sheet and w/well oiled fingers shape dough nice and thin, add toppings and bake about 15min, keep an eye on it!!! makes 2 small or 1 large pizza I like to do 2 small so I can put the toppings I like on mine, the kids get one to themselves which they of course make!)

Farmers Market

As an aspiring locavore I have come to absolutely love Saturday. Saturday is farmers market day. If Im not growing it myself then Im buying it at the farmers market where the flavors simply cant be beat. With 3 kids I want to make meals quick and have them taste their best, even if they only eat 2 bites of their zucchini I know what little they got in them is far better than an entire one shipped in from Uruguay 2 wks ago. Today's cache consisted entirely of garlic, my source had a sign on his table stating this was his last week there and it brought a tear to my eye. so I bought 6 and am hoping to sprout some of it so I can plant it myself.

After the market we had to find our seat on Main St for the county fair/politician's parade. At what point it became necessary for every person seeking some political office to enter in the parade is beyond me. luckily most were giving out candy so it kept the kids attention. Actually we need to rewind a bit...it wasnt all that warm yet so wandered in to the local coffee shop bypassing the Starbucks across the street. Finally getting to the front to order.

'yeah, I need 3 kids hot chocolates'

'its gunna be a while we have to make all the coffee customers first'

'does it help that I want a latte too?'

'Im just saying they're gunna have to wait'

'guess I thought you made drinks as they were ordered'

completely confused we left. they did know there was a parade outside their front door right? its only like the 142 annual one but hey lets not try to cater to kids!!! Kiddo's loved the parade, elijah of course holding his ears the entire time anticipating any loud noise but releasing them enough to scoop up all the candy falling like manna to his little feet.

tonights dinner grilled lemon garlic chicken w/sauteed garden corn and zucchini and a kamut pilaf. wine choice feeling like Ash Hollow Sauvignon Blanc, note to self...put in fridge!!!

Hi Ho Hi Ho off to the fair we go...

When I was in elementary school, oh so many years ago, there were lots things you could always count on. Chocolate milk on Thursday, school open unless God forbid it snowed or in our case in the pacific NW an ice storm and I honestly don't remember ANY homework. Now that I have one that has gone through a grade in the public school system and embarking on another, I'm forming some theories. Remember all those empty promises from all those kids running for the esteemed office of class president? Pony rides at lunch time!!! Chocolate Milk Every Day!!! No School When Its Snowy or Sunny!!!! and best of all NO HOMEWORK!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

I think every one of those kids went on to actually become the superintendents that we have today! living in Tucson Ethan had an entire week off because there was a rodeo, OK we thought, its a small town its what they do. Now we're in an even smaller town and low and behold the fair is in town WE BEST CLOSE THE SCHOOL!!!!! yes chocolate milk is offered every day, along w/4 options for lunch!!! I promise I don't give him as much as 2 options for dinner, here's your dinner, I made it, it is good. The only thing they had to barter with was the homework and boy did they. We got it in droves last year and barring any days off next week for more carnivals or traveling caravans I'm confident it will soon be flooding us again. That is of course if he's alive after being able to finally go on the rides!!!!!

Survive we did! Ethan chose the roller-coaster as his first ride ever, which he undertook w/dad. Unfortunately he chose the Tilt-A-Whirl as number two and guess who got the honors then?! Luckily I would be the one behind all the photos so there are no hard copy images.

After that elaina wasn't going to sit still and the kiddie area was quickly sought out.

She loved all the balloon/airplane rides but I was considering shutting down the roller coaster, that was about her limit!

elijah got in the action too w/the carousel.

I'm convinced all the rides need signs w/not only height requirements but age too. "you must be over 36" to ride unaccompanied and not over the age of 30." I don't think our food choices helped the matter, musts are of course cotton candy, popcorn and Carmel apples w/pizza, taco's, a burger and fries rearing their heads too. I'm so glad the farmer's market is tomorrow. nothing left to do but clean up and go to bed.

The beginning

Not knowing what I'm doing but jumping in w/both feet seem to be the course of my life as of late and therefore not surprisingly my first blog. I can start from the beginning as I see it but that would take an amazingly long time so we will start w/back to school.

yesterday was Ethan's first day of first grade. yes of course he did the whole kindergarten thing but now he's in the numbers, the official count down to 12. every year he'll think he's getting smarter and we're getting dumber, I'm not stupid, I thought the same thing. which is exactly how I'm thinking of this whole parenting thing, not how they should see it but how I saw it in their position, I'm starting to think I'm pretty screwed. day 1 over.

Today! everybody up! on this new venture of staying home after 13 years in the wine/spirits industry I'm am bound and determined to get good non-prepackaged home cooked food into my children. today consists of made from scratch buckwheat pancakes (Buckwheat Pancakes: 1/4c whole wheat flour, 1/4c buckwheat flour, 1/2c ap flour, 1tbl brown sugar, 2tsp baking powder, 1/4tsp salt blended. in a separate bowl blend 1c milk, 1 egg and 2tbl oil, stir together until just combined and still lumpy, makes about 12 kid size pancakes), dripping in syrup and covered in fresh strawberries from the farmers market. what child/human could possibly resist? apparently my 4 year old elaina. she is sitting firmly in her room scream bloody murder for yogurt pretzels. um no. after a good 20min of screaming we now have to walk ethan all of 3 houses down the street to his school, a screaming/crying/slobbering elaina trailing behind. back home = back in her room. finally emerging to eat the now long cold disks and complimenting me on how yummy they are. girls.

The rest of the day consists so far of a bike ride to the lake and the ever dreaded trip to the grocery store where I fend off pleas for chips/cookies/candy/ice cream and a new fascination w/cowboy boots which they do not carry. I have no problem w/these items mind you but in my new venture Im trying to put my culinary arts degree to some good use finally and make as much of everything myself, right down to the garden I put in. have all the cookies you want little girl they're spiked w/shredded carrot/zucchini and laced w/spelt or some other disgustingly wholesome grain. enough chocolate chips and they'll never know!!!

'what's that on your eye mommy?'
'oh elijah whacked me w/some happy meal toy remnant while I was putting him in his car seat'

reaching up to feel the still sore spot on my eye, wondering why its wet. ugh. Im bleeding all over walmart. two obnoxious kids trapped in a cart and Im bleeding from a head wound. I quit my job why?

and now to my latest venture as elaina's preschool teacher. something I didn't have to worry about w/ethan since he was trapped in daycare/preschool from 13wks. hopefully some of it will rub off on the ever present elijah and it wont be as hard. for now I put elijah down for a nap and get out new flash cards.

'what shape is this elaina?'
'YELLOW!!!!'
'yes its yellow, but what shape?'
'A!!!!!'
'um no, shape honey?'
'hmmmmm, APPLE!!!!!'

this is going to be harder than I thought. this is all going to be harder than I thought.