sick and tired of being sick and tired

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't posted for a while. Well that's because a full blown sinus bug has taken over my head and is impairing me from making any cognizant thoughts. The only thing I can come up w/is to gripe about the situation which is going on a week, yes I know a week is nothing. Doctors wont even let you in the door until a full 14 days have passed at which point I will be in jail for the disappearance of my entire family. Not by my hand mind you, I'm pretty sure they're all ready to jump ship. The old saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" definitely fits. When I was working full time if I had a cold/debilitating disease I could stay home w/husband at work and the kids in daycare and get some rest. Drink some tea, have some crackers and dream of a place w/o Kleenex and the chirping of the birds isn't a muffled question mark in my brain. Staying home presents a new situation. Laying down only invites being ridden like a rodeo bronco and any box of tissue is quickly turned into a craft project hopefully not including glue or staples. Taking any medication that would actually offer any relief is out of the question since I would probably take Elaina up on her demands to cut her apple and cheddar snack herself and that girl should never wield a chef's knife. ever. Play dates have been cancelled to stave off a full blown epidemic in my circle but the lack of outside communication leaves me even crabbier (if possible). Forced solitary confinement w/2 small children would break even the most harden criminal. Stop sending the nun's into the prisons send pre-schooler's!!!! Luckily I'm still cooking. yesterday 2 loaves of bread (3c bread flour, 2c whole wheat, 1tbl salt blended, heated: 2c milk, 6tbl butter, 1tbl honey to about 110-degrees then add 2 packets yeast to bloom. blend together, knead about 8 min let rise till double, turn out and shape into 2 loaf pans let rise again about an hour, bake 350 about 40 min.) and a killer meatloaf which I hadn't done for a while I made 3 loaves cooking 1 last night and now 2 are in the freezer! Don't have a real recipe per se for the meatloaf but ingredients are as follows (ground sirloin, ground pork sausage, onion, garlic, celery, carrot, 6in stalk rosemary removed after cooking, sauteed and added to meats, smoked paprika, eggs and bread crumbs) bake till done. serve w/mushroom gravy, accompanied by blue and gold roasted potato's and green beans from the garden!!! If only I could've had a glass of wine w/it, oh well maybe tonight.

SCREEEEEEAAAAAMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGG!!!

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNT CEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAALLLL!!!!
Honestly she's lucky we dont have space under our stairwell because she would be there. she of course being elaina. my princess. my girl. her default mode for asking is to screeeeeaaaaam!!! granted this doesnt happen everyday and she does oddly know how to ask and get a normal response from me but man when the mood strikes, watch out. I am usually able to chalk it up to hunger or lack of sleep but on those rare occasions where she has just gotten up and just eaten, my tolerance level is nil. so what do you do? let's see options 1. spank, 2. timeout, 3. ignore. first spank. pretty sure this will make her scream louder.
timeout. put her in another room where she continues to scream, now possibly destroying all things in a 10 foot radius.
ignore. the single hardest and remarkably most effective. depending of course on her will-power and that's really what it comes down to isnt it? how long either of us can hold out. depending on the time of day and my general mood she admittedly has won on occasion which is obviously why this hasnt stopped although they are getting fewer. luckily today it was 9am, I had my breakfast and my coffee and I was in for the long haul. she sensed it and gave up relatively quickly, much to the relief of my neighbors Im sure. Oh to live in country where no one can hear the screams. one day little girl. one day.
making gazpacho for lunch, pulled all but the garlic from the garden, making some for my neighbor too who was inquiring about how to make one last week, will post recipe after I decide everything to use pretty sure chipotle will play a role, mmmmmmmmm.

playdates aka mommy dates

playdates. you can love 'em or hate 'em. as a fairly new stay at home mom they are vital to me so I don't go completely insane alone w/my kids all day. getting out to talk w/other mom's even if it is about our kids is something I look forward to every week. why then do I suck so badly at it? maybe because Ive spent the past 6 1/2 years of having children w/a not so flexible schedule and therefore wasn't able to hone my girlfriend skills. the first couple always feel rather interviewy w/me giving up far more information about myself than I ever manage to gather from my companions. Its that whole chatty gene I inherited from my dad. I then get home trying to remember names was it Sally or Molly? was she married/divorced? she did have a kid there right? finding girlfriends is far more difficult than finding a mate. a mate you're basing things on how you click emotionally balanced w/how you click physically, a girlfriend is 100% emotional. I at least am not drawn to a girlfriend w/o knowing why, where as I was definitely drawn to my husband from the get go. I usually go home and think of all things I should've said or done or who I should've given my number too, maybe next time. worst of all what if you click but your kids do not? and then the next step of family get-togethers what if the husbands loathe each other? how many fairy tale friendships are out there where all the moons and stars align? I over think things waaaaaaaay too much. no wonder social websites are so popular, its easier for one. If you get in an argument you can state your case or not and never "speak" to the person again. Not so true in real life. You're going to run into your former friend at the park or school open house. girlfriends take work. I guess now I have some time to make them a priority in my life. They have no idea what they're in for, maybe I should give them this link.

dinner tonight Pizza!!!! w/cucumber, tomato, walla walla onion salad, we are being over-run w/cukes must eat some tonight! tomorrow will be zucchini muffins for breakfast playdate not sure the recipe yet may wing it.

Giving

Am I a giver? I think if I posed that question to friends and family they would say yes! "you have 3 kids, you stay at home, you give your time and energy to your family" but does that make me a giver? Sure we gave the presents from Ethan's bday last year to a charity that he choose, we give in the literal sense at church, but is that all I have? Ive undertaken being the Hospitality Team Leader at MOP's, I'm mainly coordinating the meals for mom's who have a newborn or w/a medical need. OK I understand they are the obvious ones but all I can think is how when Eric was working here for a month while I was home. alone. w/3 kids. If someone had come by w/a meal that I didnt have to think about I probably would've cried. So what constitutes need? How about when you're simply at your wits end and can barely function? there are times we all have when its all just too much period. Hopefully we all have 1 friend that we confide that in. That person could ask us for a little help. Sometimes 5 minutes is all I need to recharge. To breathe. If dropping off a meal could do that for someone wouldnt you do it? Giving when you dont have anything to give. Its not up to the billionaires, getting something from someone that has everything doesnt inspire me to give, its when you see someone w/absolutely nothing giving the last of what they have, that's where real inspiration comes, that's when I want/have to get involved. If my talent is talking and my gift is cooking then let's pull them together. I have a family of 5 and food prices are going through the roof, but that means they're even farther through the roof for someone else. Oddly I actually know that this is going to work, that stinkin' voice in my head again.

The Garden

BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK... Ugh. It's 2:34am Whinnie wanted out desperately so I let her, propped the back door and went back to bed now she's going crazy about something. I get up to call her back in, coming w/in 5 feet of the door the stench of skunk is overwhelming. Crap! I call her fearing the worst and give her a quick sniff test. she's fine. no massive clucking so the girls are fine too. Heading back to bed it hits me. my garden. I then lay in bed till 4am wide awake wondering if I should get the flashlight to check on my tomatoes, or what about the delicate baby lettuce just emerging? If it so much as took one cucumber there will be skunk traps all over my backyard!!!! you DO NOT mess w/the garden.

Upon first light my tentative inspection begins. Everything still accounted for. The soft leaves of the baby winter greens mix sucking in the first rays of sun. Tomatoes glistening, holy cow that's a huge cucumber Ive missed! Take a quick handful of beans for dinner tonight. Time for a quick trim on the zucchini and pull out the radishes that never quite made it. The broccoli gave it a good try but time to yank that and plant a bit more overwintering Italian blend. Yes the obsession has gone to the next level.

Today is the final sowing of my winter garden, Im 4wks out from first frost and this is the 3rd sowing, hoping to get ANY fresh vegetables this winter. Ive scoured books, Ive ordered my seed on-line from the best companies, this will work. Overwintering varieties of lettuce, broccoli, carrots, kohlrabi, cauliflower, red and sweet onions, beets, fennel and spinach are all in. Finishing up are cucumbers, beans, tomatoes and zucchini w/butternut squash and brussel sprouts starting to bud and should be great for Thanksgiving!

Kiddo's love it too, they've never eatten so many veggies. We even blocked off their own garden for them and let them plant what ever! Ethan's peas were more productive than mine were, maybe a little neglect isnt so bad. Im tired of over-thinking things. I plant alot so bugs/rot/neglect can take their share. Just leave me enough for dinner. One less trip to the store w/3 kids is worth it.

Next years will be moved closer to the house, not nestled between 2 giant trees and Ive got enough fencing for a 50 x 50 plot, a bit more ambitious than I think it actually will be, I think. Perusing the seed catalogs has left me drooling and pining for spring! But first things first, grow winter garden grow!!!

Writers Block

Almost a full week has past since I last sat here and spilled the thoughts that been over flowing in my head. I've come to realize that regular bloggers must be partially schizophrenic since in the short week that Ive been tackling this I cant seem to quiet the running narrative in my head w/everything I do. If I start talking about myself in third person I will seek help. The problem seems to stem from what to write. As I'm doing dishes a task that I cant seem to get away from being our woe-some lack of a dishwasher, I think how this simple act of cleaning could be a full page in itself. When we moved here and I found out we were getting a house sans dishwasher I pretty much thought that was the end to my blissfull fantasy I had created in my head. Now as I look at my clean counters, no running or full dishwasher forever beckoning me, I think things that are meant to make our lives easier, end up making it more complicated. How in the same time it took me to unload and load my dishwasher before, I have now cleared and washed by hand all dirty dishes and there isn't the impending putting away still looming. Will our next house have a dishwasher? probably. Will I use it? I don't really know.

This old place also has a laundry line out back. Yes I actually had to Google instructions on hanging clothes out. Not something I'm proud of mind you but after you have almost an entire load of wet clothes strewn across your barely grass laden "yard" you too would search for a better way. The best way Ive found is to simply keep alot of hangers out there and just hang it all on hangers and then transfer straight to the closet. I try to hang out as much as I can except socks, undies and towels (they get too scratchy) and I'm a sucker for a soft towel.

When we were leaving Tucson one of my coworkers told me I sounded like I was retiring. Not exactly, but I am searching for something simpler. Doing things ourselves. Taking responsibility for how my children become individuals that make a difference. Lettuce doesn't come from a bag and a little breading on your friend in the backyard and you've got a nugget. This is real life and I feel like I'm finally doing something that matters. As prestigious and hoity-toity as the wine industry was/is, it didn't matter. It doesn't make any one better, the world more peaceful or give anyone real purpose. Like anything, its a great hobby, but what legacy would I have left behind? "She sold me a great Roussanne, something I never would've tried" not exactly the headstone I want.

So as I sort out all the topics of daily life coursing through my brain I promise to try to stick to one. On most days. Not all.

husband is hunting elk/deer (Im praying for an elk) so dinner tonight is kids choice! Luckily they love gnocchi so its Pumpkin gnocchi w/green beans (from garden) and pepper bacon and some funny melon we got at the farmers market. I think a Guinness is calling my name tonight or maybe a Black Butte Porter a bit wined out somehow.

The Girls

"Good morning Ladies!!!!" I say conjuring up my best Howie Mandel via Deal or No Deal. The morning ritual of letting our chickens out for the day always begins the same. They start clucking around 6 and are down right angry by 7, spoiled rotten hens. I admittedly thought my husband was crazy for even suggesting chickens. When he started spouting off how easy and beneficial it would be for us all I was seriously impressed! "you don't read your own magazines, do you?" he told me. Yes its true I had picked up a copy of Mother Earth News drawn in by the article on cheese making (which turned out to be a complete chapter on cheese from Barbera Kingsolvers book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle which I had JUST finished reading, you cannot possibly make it through that book w/o completely changing how you eat but that's another post.) so anyhow! there was an article on backyard chickens which apparently my husband DID read and was hooked! Off to the hatchery for 6 hens (we affectionately refer to as rescue chickens), we made a coop and a run and called it good. Or so we thought. After a couple days we thought they really would be happier wandering our 1/3 acre lot and so they were released. Granted w/ a certain amount of trepidation being that we have a Brittany who by design is not just a hunting dog but a BIRD hunting dog, which my husband has taken on various bird hunting trips. OH NO!!! she sees them and charges....then stops....they all stop...she walks off. great bird dog. They all live in bliss today. We are trying to train her to at least chase the wayward cat that notices them, GET THE KITTY, GET THE KITTY!!!!! we scream and she runs frantically outside, that's the end of the spurt before it even gets started, luckily its usually enough to frighten the felines away. They are my future dinner not yours!!!! We have a deal see, you produce eggs and I will give you all the room you want and all the fruit/veg/garden scraps you can imagine! They are in bliss and Im getting a steady supply of eggs from most...Snowflake as we have named her was molting when we got her, has since stopped and best start producing soon or she may be the first to go. This IS something I at least plan on, not doing mind you, that will be left up to my husband. Its the circle of life, I am an omnivore, this I know. I promise their life is 10 thousand times better than any chicken found at the local grocery store, I will not feel bad, we will simply "rescue" some more and the cycle will continue. We're hoping to make it to the spring w/all 6, happy and healthy so please don't start mourning any losses just yet. For now they'll have to put up w/being hand fed farmer's market nectarines from a 4 year old. Spoiled rotten hens.