A Little Clarity.

Usually that's something I actually crave. A specific answer amongst all the chaos. Shine that beam on me, let the clouds part and tell me what to do. We all want it, that is until it happens. Seriously. Yesterday I was asked to lead a small group discussion. No problem, I can talk all day. Uh Oh, the cheat sheet says I have to open w/a prayer. me. a prayer. OK, I am a christian, I know this shouldn't be hard. But it's always been something that was mine, not something I really put out there. I'm uncomfortable praying w/other people when THEY are doing the talking, I know get over it, but really its just not easy. So climb on that horse and say something! And this is where it all went wrong. You see I prayed for clarity. I don't recommend it. With a group of women, I prayed we would all have our hearts and minds opened to hear what it was that we were supposed to be doing, where we were going and the strength to carry it out. whoops. After we were home I had a few questions for our group leader so I emailed her and not one second after I hit the send button I knew I had another email for her. This one telling her I want her position that she will be vacating next year. NO I DON'T!!! I don't want it. I don't know how!!! I don't want to be in charge, I cant lead a group of mom's!!! Really???? Really God??? ugh. Needless to say I argued it in my head the best I could, before sitting down and just doing it. Let me say I laid out every disclaimer possible that if someone else was already up for it, or if she had someone in mind (other than me) then AWESOME, but I was being told to do something and so here I am, I'm now done w/my obligation, see if I lead a prayer ever again. I know, I know, it's all part of the journey, it's where I'm going, it's where I am, it's oddly where I want to be. Just be forewarned, be careful of what you ask for, you might just get it. No I haven't heard anything yet.