Good Enough...

At what point in my life did I decide the definition of good enough. Currently, I get up in the morning look myself in the mirror and make a decision. Shower or not? In the shower, do I really need to wash my hair or is it a pony day? Little gloss and some mascara or full on re-do? Getting dressed, should I wear the shirt w/2 spots? I can cover it with that sweater that only has 1 or just go with the shirt with 1 stain even though that tear is getting kind of big now. Eh, this is good enough. When I was working I was the first in line for the "secret sale" at Saks and was admittedly pretty proud of the deal I got on my Gucci sunglasses. This isn't to say I'm still not a sucker for a good deal, not by a long shot, I've actually gotten pickier! Apparently though as of late I simply don't care. Maybe it's a phase something that will pass with the cold weather and fog encased sky or maybe it's an indication of something bigger. What else am I passive about. Do I spend enough time playing with the kids? Being with them yes but really interacting with them, sadly no, I'm stuck on it's good enough. Do I spend enough time on myself? I have my hobbies all of which can be done with them here, is it ample to recharge those batteries and refuel my spirit? No, but that too has become good enough. How to get out of the passive cycle, how to change the so called every day and what I have made of it. So the shopping ensues, the closet has been cleaned out and a couple nice, stain free shirts should be coming via ups man in a couple days. Some tidying is taking place, the outside is an easy place to start, the inside is another beast altogether. AAAHHH, the inside. Where God has been diligently working and I have been doing my best to A. ignore or B. Justify my inability to stand up and just tell everyone about this wonderful Lord that is forever challenging and surprising me. It has to end. I have to leap out of the plane and know the chute will open!! I'm tired of telling people I will keep them in my thoughts, dinner tonight is in my thoughts, I will pray for you... When you tell me that xyz is driving you nuts, can't go on, you have no money, you're not getting pregnant, you are pregnant, the kids are always sick/won't sleep/throwing tantrums/won't eat/eat everything, who knows what the problem of the second is!!! The first words out of my mouth will be I'll be praying for you, because I will. That is not your personal excuse to now sit around and wait, the potty training fairy is not going to knock on your door and make all your dreams come true. I've been way too passive, way too long. Trying to not rock the boat, keep everyone happy. But if me professing my faith which is such a part of me causes someone to no longer speak to me well, enough said. I'm done with thinking that going to church on Sunday is good enough. I'm done side stepping what I really want to say in the "best interest" of those involved. It's put up or shut up time, we're either growing in our faith or we're killing it. Accepting good enough, is killing it.